For You

Payah untuk aku mulakan tulisan ini. Antara mahu atau tidak. Yes, my intention is to stop blogging for a while but there are so many things I need to get out of my chest. Jika aku luahkan, takut dikatakan melara jiwa. Jika aku simpan, terlalu sakit aku rasa. Maafkan aku sebab terpaksa.

I'm in the lowest level of emotion I could possibly be. I'm down. Yes, I'm sorry I have to admit it. It's not that I can't be happy at all but I'm unstable. That's all I could say. I'm sorry. Aku memang nampak senyum, riang dan girang tapi sebenarnya, hati dan fikiranku berkecamuk. I don't wanna think at all but seakan luka lama berdarah kembali. Luka setahun lepas yang baru pulih, bagaikan ditusuk semula.

A friend of mine told me that I need to have time and space on my own. Maybe he's right but thinking about semua yang dah jadi, buat aku kecewa.

To you,

Hopefully you're reading this because I don't have anymore idea on how to reach you. You didn't reply my smses. Why? You told me you need time. I understand what you're going through. I totally do but why are you keeping quiet from me? It hurts my feelings because I don't know what is going on.You seem to avoid me. I do want to call you, but I'm afraid you won't pick up my call, and that would obviously make my wound deeper.

The last time I saw you, you looked so miserable. It broke my heart, knowing that I can't be a help at all. I waited for you for an hour, yes, you didn't ask me to come but I just wanted to see how you're doing. But I got to see you only less than 5 minutes. Takpelah, asalkan I got to see you.

(Terima kasih pada someone yang sangat sangat baik to let me use the car untuk ke sana biarpun pada awalnya aku membatalkan hasrat aku. Thank you very much.)

Can't you imagine how I'd feel? You are doing exactly the same thing that he did to you before, to me. It's like you're erasing me from your life without me knowing the true reasons. Why? I'm clueless.

It has been days since I heard anything from you. I read your blog everyday, just to know your condition although I'm not sure whether you're feeling better or worse. Yeah, who am I for you to care what I would feel right? You are making me feel like whatever you have told me before
were lies. You make me feel like you were using me just for the sake of trying to forget what you were feeling. I try not to think negatively, but why are you hanging me like this? Is it so hard for you to reply me?

Yes, you are going through hell. I'm sorry for being a burden to you. But don't. Don't do this to me. Someone else did this to me previously and I don't want the same thing to happen again. I believe you would know my feelings right now, because what I'm feeling at the moment is the exact same thing you felt weeks ago. I'm not asking you to talk about "us" because based on what I have read on your blog, it seems to me, there won't be any "us" at all.

I try not to think about "us", although it hurts my feelings when I think about all the things you told me not too long ago. Are you trying to say that all the things you did and told me were nothing? Because you were under the "infulence"? God! If it's true, then please talk to me. Don't ruin what we've had. I know you are different than A. I know..please..

Entahlah, I don't know what I should think. If time that you need, I give it to you but please, don't throw me away just like that...

To the other you,

The person who has been with me all this while, thank you very very much. I know how you feel towards me. But I can't do anything right now. I'm too fragile to even think about anything. I have to make sure I am okay in order for me to decide anything. I hope you understand although I know, you are hurting, just like me. I appreciate all the things you have done to make me feel better. And yes, you are a big help. You made me stronger but...please understand my situation. I'm fighting with my emotions and the demons in me.

I know you need someone to be with you. After years together with the ones you loved, you can't be alone. You want to be loved. You want to have someone by your side all the time. I know. But please, understand my situation. Don't force me to do the unthinkable. I'm begging you. Please..

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

If I have loved someone, I would love the person with all my heart. I'm not a type of person yang senang untuk melafazkan cinta or "I Love You". Sekali dirasa, sekali dilafaz, sukar untukku melupakannya begitu saja. If I have to sacrifice, I would. I would let everyone go.

Sakit sungguh hatiku ini. Sakit sungguh perasaan ku ini. Berat hatiku untuk menulis entri ini. Berat hatiku untuk meletakkannya di sini, kerana aku tahu akan ada hati lain yang terluka. Tapi fahamilah, aku yang lebih terluka.

Aku tahu ramai yang menyayangiku. Terima kasih kepada semua. Tapi mengertilah, hati ini rapuh, hati ini lemah. Fahamilah.

Aku perlukan masa untuk bangun semula. Aku perlu masa untuk berdiri semula. I need time..

Buat Terakhir Kali

“Dan ku lakukan semampu aku tuk menyayangimu
Hingga kau merasa jadi pujaan ku
Meski bercinta kadang tak indah
Tapi tuk buktikan kau yg terindah
Dan ku pastikan, I’m The Lucky One
Nikmati cinta lebih dari segalanya"

“Kau yang Merubah Segalanya
Kau sebenarnya yang mencuri hati
Aku yang masih meratapi kehancuran
Cinta lalu yang tak kesampaian

Apakah yang terburu-buru
Cuba melupakan peristiwa lalu
Atau mungkinkah ku terpesona pada
Kejujuran yang engkau berikan”

“Dan Untuk Pertama Kali
Cintaku terbagi
Dan kuingin milikinya

Dan Untuk Pertama Kali
Kusangkali janji
dan bahagia mencintainya”

“Kaulah Segalanya
Yang menyinar hidupku kasih
Hanya satunya yang ku cintai

Sambutlah cintaku
Jangan kau pergi dari sisi
Cintaku padamu
Ikhlas sejati”

“Sesuatu yang tak disangka
Seringkali mendatangi kita
Itukah Suratan dalam kehidupan
Atau hanya satu Kebetulan”

“Yang Kumau
Ada dirimu tapi tak begini keadaannya
Yang Kumau
Selalu denganmu

Jika tuhan mahu begini
Rubahlah semua jadi Yang Kumau
Kerna ku ingin semua berjalan
Seperti Yang Kumau”

“Mungkinkah kan kembali masih sangsi
Tiada Pasti, aku menanti kini”

“What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that you’re not there

What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it’s all over
And Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word”

“Andai sampainya waktu
Aku harus tinggalkanmu
Akan aku berlalu bila tiba saat itu
Tak guna kau merayu
Tak guna menahanku
Kerana yang berlaku kehendakmu

Air mata bertamu tidak kenal erti jemu
Menemani hatiku tidak mengenal ruang waktu
Mengapa dari dulu tak kau kata kan padaku
Kehadiranku ini menyusahkan”

“Doaku agar kau kan selalu bahagia
Agar kau temui insan tulus menyayangi
Lepaskanlah diriku kerna keredhaanmu
Bukan kerna dendam jua bukan kerna kau terpaksa
Ku tinggalkan memori bersamamu
Ku undur diri bersama Harapan”

“Terlalu singkat hubungan ini
Belum pun sempat Melakar Rindu
Baru semalam mimpi dicipta
Mengapa mendung melanda sukma

Kaulah segalanya madah digubah
Ketika cinta masih di dada
Pudarlah jua kini akhirnya”

“Dan Tak Mungkin untukku
Tuk menggapai cintamu
Walau rasa di hati
Ingin memilikimu

Cinta harus berkorban
Walau harus menunggu selamanya
Ku tau…
Kau bukan untukku”

“Tak ubah berbunga lalang
Rendahnya pandanganmu
Padaku yang amat memerlukan
Kegersangan sekeping hati

Mengharapkan setitis embun
Agar basah rindu ini
Aku yang terbuang
Sejak mula lagi
Puas ku merintih
Puas ku berduka

Ku hanya mampu berserah
Berserta doa harapan
Ubahlah haluan hidup ini

Demi cinta yang menyala
KuRela menggenggam bara api
Demi kasih yang mengharum
Sungguh aku Rela

Biarpun pada pandangan
Seperti bunga yang layu terbuang
Namun kau pasti tahu
Semua kerna
Aku masih lagi setia padamu
Biar ku menangis seumpama pengemis”

“Tiada erti aku merindu
Jika kau tak ingin bertemu
Apa gunanya bercinta di dalam kepura-puraan

Yang lafaz cinta hanya di bibir
Namun diri tak seringnya hadir
Di saat engkau diperlukan aku hampa

Usah dikelirukan cinta
Yang terkusut jiwa merana
Jangan dengan separuh hati
Diri ini kau cintai

Usahlah renung hanya di mata
Benamkanlah ke dasar hati
Renunganmu telusnya pasti
Berarash ke syurga cinta

Menanti kunjungan hampir pasti
Mengharap titis embun pagi
Dan bagai Menadah Gerimis
Yang masih pulang pergi”

“Aku Berhenti Berharap
Dan menunggu datang gelap
Sampai nanti suatu saat
Tak ada cinta kudapat

Kenapa ada derita
Bila bahagia tercipta
Kenapa ada sang hitam
Bila putih menyenangkan

Aku pulang, tanpa dendam
Auterima kekalahanku
Aku pulang,tanpa dendam
Kusalutkan kemenanganmu”

“Beratnya rasa hati nak melangkah pergi
Tetapi apakan daya aku terpaksa
Buat kali terakhir inginku mengucapkan
Semoga dirimu berbahagia selalu
Tentang diriku ini
Terserah padaMu Tuhan menentukan...

Tak perlu kau bertanya ke mana ku pergi
Pandailah aku menjaga diriku ini
Sekali kumelangkah oh biarlah ku teruskan
Perjalanan ini walaupun sendirian
Hanya Tuhan yang tahu dukalara hidupku ini
Tak terkata, aduhai sayang...

Selamat tinggal sayangku
Selamat tinggal kasihku
Aku terpaksa pergi dahulu
Kerana Terluka hati ini”

“Ku mengerti Perpisahan ini
Bukan kerana kau membenci
Tapi kasih yang pernah kuberi
Tiada lagi bersama

Seringkala aku terlihatkan mu
Impian nan indah
Bersulam bahagia”

------------------------------------

Berlian Berharga yang dicari
Sekeping kaca dibuang ke tepi

Berlian itulah yang membuat luka
Kaca inilah yang cuba membalutnya
Namun jelas, kaca tak mampu dibandingkan dengan berlian
Keindahan berlian tiada toloknya, kehinaan kaca tiada tandingnya

Kaca ini dah pun jatuh, berderai menjadi serpihan
Tatkala kaca dicampak ke tanah begitu sahaja
Terbuang sudah segala janji
Terhilang sudah segala lafaz
Kaca dibiar sehinanya

Hati ini ibarat di hiris
Jiwa ini ibarat di siat
Jelas sudah segalanya
Nyata sudah hakikatnya

Simpanlah berlian itu dalam hatimu
Moga ianya kan kekal ke akhir hayat
Kaca ini kan terus menjadi kaca
Yang layak digelar sampah
Buat selamanya

------------------------------------

I have never felt this low in my life. Never. Aku ingat hanya A seorang yang telah mampu membuat diriku terhina namun, someone else managed to top that. Congratulations.

Alhamdulillah.

Ya Allah,

Ampunkan dosaku. Ampunkan dosa kedua ibu bapaku dan ahli keluargaku. Ampunkan dosa sahabat sahabatku. Ampunkan dosa insan insan yang mengenaliku. Ampunkan dosa dosa insan yang membenciku. Ampunkan dosa insan insan yang telah menganiyaiku. Ampunkan dosa mereka mereka yang mendustaiku.

Diri ini begitu lemah. Diri ini begitu kecil. Ku panjatkan doa, agar kuterus kuat mengharungi hidup. Aku tahu diri ini tak pernah kan lepas daripada dosa. Tak ku layak ke syurgamu, namun tak pula ku ingin ke nerakamu.

Ya Allah,

Tak akan ku simpan rasa benci dalam diri terhadap mereka mereka yang telah mengkhianatiku. Tak akan ku mahu mereka derita. Kau curahlah rahmatmu ke atas diri mereka semua.

Aku hanya mampu tersenyum dalam tangisan tatkala hati ini dihiris senipis nipisnya, jiwa ini di siat sehalus halusnya. Pernah sudah ku rasai keperitannya, namun tak pula aku sangka ku akan rasainya semula. Hebat sungguh petunjukMu. Hebat sungguh kuasaMu. Alhamdulillah.

Ya Allah,

Kau berikanlah aku kekuatan
Kau berikanlah aku kekuatan
Kau berikanlah aku kekuatan

Amin ya rabbal alamin

------------------------------------

Kepada insan yang menyayangiku setulus hatimu, maafkan diri ini kerana telah membuat luka dihatimu. Bukan niat menusuk duri. Yang ku perlukan adalah masa. Masa untuk aku berfikir tentang segalanya. Aku menyayangimu seadanya dan sejujurnya. Terima kasih yang tak terhingga. Terima kasih di atas keikhlasanmu. Kaulah semangatku.

Kepada si dia yang terlalu hebat dilanda dugaan, aku panjatkan doa untuk dirimu agar kau mampu mengharungi dugaan itu. Segala yang baik datang dariNya , segala yang buruk adalah dari kita. Terima kasih atas keikhlasanmu yang telah kau nyatakan. Terima kasih atas segala masa yang telah kau korbankan. Terima kasih atas SEGALANYA.

Di sini, ku harapkan agar biar ini menjadi titipan terakhir dariku. Tiada lagi indah. Tiada lagi fantasi. Tiada lagi laraan jiwa . Tiada lagi harapan.

HATI YANG RAPUH

Di hati kulakarkan sebuah impian
Yang aku namakan harapan
Apabila kutentukan arah serta tujuan
Rela kuhadapi cabaran

Jalan ke puncak
itu beronak dan berliku
Menyukarkan pendakianku
Namun tetap kugagahi
Hati yang rapuh ini
Demi hasrat yang suci

Aku sangkakan harapan
Selembut impian
Yang menguliti tidur insan
Kiranya kehidupan tidak sedemikian
Goyah hatiku oleh kenyataan

Tak harus kuturuti kelemahan diri
Tak daya bertahan diuji
Lalu aku mengumpulkan semula kekuatan
Berlandaskan keimanan...

Semoga bertemu lagi di lain lembaran, kiranya takdir mengizinkan.

Assalamu'alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Yang Amat Terluka,

Muhamad Adi Luqman Bin Zakaria
20-08-2008
01:28

Suprises

Surprises.

Some people just love to be surprised and some love to make surprises. My life has been filled with many surprises, pleasant and unpleasant.

I don’t mind surprises. It adds color and excitement to your life. But to be really honest, I don’t really know how to deal with it. Perhaps I can say that I don’t really like surprises. Not that I hate them, but I’m not a big fan of them.

Why?

Simply because I don’t know how to react to them. I’m bad at it. Seriously.

“I’m sorry for the mistake I just done. My reaction was totally unacceptable and I know I was wrong. Forgive me”

I'm no angel, imperfect myself
'Cause baby I am only human

The River of Life

I should not cry just because things are not the way I want it to be.

I should not whine for all the things that have been happening although it bothers me.

I know how it feels when someone that you love lied to you. I know how it feels, after all sacrifices that you have made, the person that you loved betrayed you. I know how hard it is to forget the person that you have cared, loved and trusted.

But..

Things happened for a reason. For that reason, you have to know that no matter how bad your situation is, there will always be another love for you. There are people who will care for you, who will give an unconditional love to you. Be grateful for things that you have been blessed with. Never regret the past, because without the past, you are nothing.

It takes time to heal. It takes time to forget. It takes time to move on.

Life is like a river. We have to go with the flow. At times there are massive floods, huge waterfalls, and raging rapids. Then there are the periods of smooth and peaceful flow. The thing to note is that the flow never stops. It continues until the ocean is reached.

Remember, the river never passes the same point twice, so is life. And is only at that point for the precise moment it is there. It flows immediately to the next point in its journey. It does not normally back track. Those few times it does, it becomes stagnant and brackish. The river does not struggle and strain, it simply flows on until it reaches its destination.

We will encounter obstacles and challenges. Though it will hurt us sometimes, but it won’t last forever. Just remember we will eventually reach the destination. The river will reach the ocean.

Thinking too much may harm you. Take things slowly, one step at a time. Don’t force yourself. Don’t try to run or hide from the problems you have been facing. Face it with grace. There will be a light at the end of every tunnel. It is just the matter how long you want the tunnel to be. It can be as long as the Great Wall of China if you allow it to. It depends on you. It’s your choice. You have to decide for yourself. How you want your life to be. But never push yourself too hard. We have limits. Everyone does.

Every cloud has a silver lining.

If you feel that you are disappointed with the world, please know that those people who loves you, will be twice as disappointed as you are, but not because of the world, but because you are not proving you are stronger than the world. Never let yourself down, because if you do, you will let others down, especially the ones that love you.

Be strong and be wise.

THE ROSE

Some say love it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razer
that leaves your soul to blead

Some say love it
is a hunger an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
and you it's only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of wakingthat never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid
of dyingthat never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winterfar beneath the bitter
snows lies the seed
that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose

Ada Untukmu

Di sana pungguk menanti
Mengharap bulan membalas
Rindu di hati
Di sini aku berdiri
Menunggu penuh dengan kesabaran

Tanpa manis madah
Janji yang puitis
Tuk persembah hanya ketulusan
Sekeping hati suci

Aku....
Berikan kasih
Kalau itu
yang kau mahu dariku

Aku....
Berikan cinta
Untuk membahagiakan
harimu

Aku....
Sayangi dirimu
Biarpun nafas ini sampai
Terhenti...

Akan ku kota janji kita
Mendirikan Taj Mahal cinta
Seteguh kasih Shah Jehan
Kepada Mumtaznya....

Terasa indah
pabila berdua
Semakin tiba saat bahagia
Meraih cinta kita...

Mmm

When I got home last night, my mind was everywhere. I didn’t know what I should do. Obviously my mood was swinging. Everything seemed wrong to me. I didn’t even switch on my computer as I always do because I was feeling sick and extremely tired. I took my bath, and immediately curled up on my bed right after that.

I was having headache and feeling nauseous. I wanted to take some pills to reduce the pain but then, I have swallowed too many panadols for the past week. Never mind. I’m feeling better now.

Erm.

How do you react to something you have actually expected and saw it coming?
You’ll be ready to face it although it will shatter you.

How do you feel when somebody (especially the one that you love) told you that he or she just need to be alone?
Honestly, it makes me feel like my presence is not wanted.

I’ll be lying if I said that I’m not hurt when someone told me that. But, I’m willing TO NOT think about my feelings for a moment because I believe it would just temporary. I wish I have the power to heal but I don’t.

So, I’ll do just like what you wanted. Be alone as long as you need to.

Wait For You

Life is a learning journey.

As I’m becoming older, I know that there will be more responsibilities I have to bear. I know I am strong enough to face everything. It will be just the matter of how am I going to take it. I realized something about me; I’m becoming more sensitive as I’m growing. Maybe itu yang orang semua kata faktor usia.

Part of the reason I think is simply because of my past experience. Life was not really hard on me; it is just that, I went through some low moments in my life. I learned from the mistakes that I have done but sometimes I can’t avoid from doing the same mistakes over and over again. It’s normal isn’t it?

I believe all of us have been in a situation where we will have to choose or decide something that will either make us, or break us. That IS life. Takkan pernah terlepas daripada persoalan yang memerlukan setiap dari kita untuk memilih. Setiap pilihan yang dibuat akan memberi kesan kepada hidup kita.

Choosing is not what I am good at. I have always chosen the wrong thing. Most of the time, I ended up losing the thing that I thought I would have. To make it worst, sometimes I would just lose everything. It makes me feel, that luck is never on my side, especially in love and relationship. But as I’m growing older, I learn to believe in whatever decision that I’m have made and going to make. Believing in myself is the utmost important thing because nobody else will believe in me if I don’t.

I’m taking chances. I’m hoping things would turn out to be better day by day, not only for me but also for the ones that I love. I know that I can’t ask for more than what I have been given and what others can give. I wasn’t taught to be demanding.

I have to be emotionally and mentally strong. I know that is hard of me to do as my strength weakens each and every time my heart is being slowly ripped. But I’m grateful to have met people that actually care for me for who and what I am. I just hope that those people love me truthfully because it would just break me apart of they don’t.

I chose to wait. I will wait for you.I will sacrifice my feelings, if time needs me to. I pray for you to prevail.

“Though I try to resist, being last on your list,
But I’m saving all my love for you..”

I have been tagged

I have been tagged. I’m gonna do it.

1. Story behind your MySpace song?
I don’t have a myspace song.

2. Whats bothering you right now?
Everything.

3. Do you close the door when you pee?
Obviously.

DESCRIBE YOUR:

4. Wallet?
Energie. Bought it like a year ago.

5. Wallpaper on your computer's desktop?
Windows default wallpaper.

6. Background on your cell phone?
Pic from my Perhentian Trip

7. Jewelery worn daily?
I don’t wear any.

8. Where your default picture was taken?
On my bed.

9. Eye color?
Black.

10. Life:
Unexplainable

11. House:
Somewhere in KL.

WHAT ARE YOU?

12. Doing this weekend?
Haven’t decided.

13. Wearing?
My blue t-shirt and khakis.

14.Wanting?
Everything to be better.

15. Where are you?
Office

16. Listening to?
I’m The Lucky One - Anuar Zain

17. Have you ever hugged or kissed anyone lately?
Yes.

18. What do you smell like?
Bulgari Omnia

19. Eating?
I have no appetite.

20. Besides your bed, what is your favorite things?
My Ipod.

21. Do you believe in a soul mate?
Of course.

22.Do you sleep naked?
No.

23. Do you remember your dreams?
Yes. Some of em.

24. Do you believe dreams come true?
Yup. If you believe in it.

25. Do you believe in miracles?
I do.

26. Do you burn easily in the sun?
Yes.

27. Do you speak another language other than English?
Malay.

28. What's something you wish you could understand better?
Myself and my life.

29. What did you do last weekend?
Hang-out with my peeps.

30. Who do you miss?
Few people. B the most.

31. Have you ever been in a car crash?
Yes. Minor ones.

32. Orange or apple juice?
Apple

33. Who were the last people you went somewhere with?
Erm. Do I need to tell?

34. What was the last text message you received?
InsyaAllah from Ain.

35. Last text message you sent?
To Ain.

36. Last time you ate a home grown tomato?
I don’t eat tomato.

37. What is the closest thing to you that is blue?
My t-shirt.

38. What was the last thing you ate?
Rice.

40. Whose house did you go to last night?
No one.

41. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?

Darling Ngasri.

42. Do you like someone right now?
Yes.

43. What do you wear more, slacks, jeans, or sweatpants?
Jeans

44. What is the last movie you watched?
Susuk. Great movie.

45. Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
Seed.

46. Coach or NFL game tickets?
Coach as in the COACH?

47. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?
Because I love that person.

48. Do you believe that you can change someone?
It depends.

49. Do you want someone you can't have?
Yes. Everyone does.

50. Do you blame them, when you can't have them?
No. If it’s meant to be.

p/s : Thanks homo:graphy

I'm The Lucky One

I'm The Lucky One

Ku persembahkan satu citaku
Setulus hati hanyalah untukmu
Dan ku lakukan semampu aku
'Tuk menyayangimu
Hingga kau merasa jadi pujaanku

Meski bercinta kadang tak indah
Tapi 'tuk buktikan kau yang terindah
Dan ku pastikan
I'm the lucky one
Nikmati cinta
Lebih dari segalanya

Jiwaku dulu yang tak tersentuh
Kini terasa sejak bersamamu
Berikan hangat hingga ku tak mampu
'Tuk jauh darimu
Kerna kau yang bisa buatku bahagia

Caramu membuatku tak berdaya
Mata hatiku pun ikut terjaga
Kau ubah hidupku ini
Jadi sempurna

This song means so much to me. Tak pernah terlintas lagu ni mampu buat aku menangis.Yes. I am the lucky one. I have been blessed with everything. Everything I have wished for. But…

My life has been taking many funny turns. I never thought it could be this way. I’m crying as I’m writing this. Many hearts have been broken. I don’t want anything to end. Tapi kalau itu jalan terbaik, aku terpaksa terima. Rasa yang ada di hatiku, tak mampu untuk ku dustai. Aku memilih apa yang ia nyatakan.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Hanya itu yang ku mampu..

“Sesuatu yang tak disangka,
Seringkali mendatangi kita,
Itukah suratan dalam kehidupan
Atau sekadar, satu kebetulan”

U. B..

Not Okay

I hate doing something stupid. Well, who does right?

It is such a waste of time for me to do something totally stupid and dumb. (again..duh!)

I’m talking about my work. Gosh, why are they so stupid? Can’t they have proper system to track down everything so it would be in order and I don’t have to do all these shit and wasting my energy? I’m fucking annoyed with everyone who is involved. I don’t mind calling up the people but to call them up more than one time, is just plain dumb. I can’t take it no more.

I’m going out later.

I’m NOT in a good mood today. Seriously I am not.

Everything would just not be okay at this moment. (read: EVERYTHING!)

.

I have always wanted to do something huge for myself. Something extraordinary. Something different than anyone else. I just wanna be different and distinctive.

Truthfully speaking, when I was younger, I was seriously an attention seeker. I will purposely create something out of nothing so that the spotlight will be on me. Just me and no one else. I was competitive back than in school. I want people to like me. I want to adore me. I want people to get attracted to me. I lied; I made stories up, just to make people to listen to me so that I can fit in.

I was stupid and naïve. I seriously was.

Mistakes by mistakes I committed, I gain a friend, and I lose 10 of them. All because of my stupidity.

As I grew older, I realized that we can never satisfy everyone. I have to admit, I still want people to like me, but not to the extend of lying, or making something up anymore. I am not the stupid boy I used to be. Now, I prefer to keep out of anyone else’s business and mind my own. I don’t want to simply interfere in others affairs and be a hero to solve the problems or such that. No, I’m not going to do any of that.

Right now, I prefer to just be quiet, and speak whenever I am needed to. I’m teaching myself to do things adequately, rather than aiming for perfection because nothing is perfect in this world and no matter how hard you try, nothing will be. People that I have now in my life as my friends are perhaps the best I have ever had. They brought tears and joy. They colored me well. They helped me to be a better person in ways they have never realized. I know that they will not stay forever in my life but their presence will be remembered.

Being the only child in the family for almost 16 years taught me a lot of things. I wish that I have few more siblings so that the expectations on me won’t be so high, but I guess that would be just a wish. People might think that, being the only child, I would get anything that I want and my parents would give me the fullest attention, but unfortunately, that is just merely a tale. I’m not saying I was not treated well. In fact, I love my life and I am grateful to have such wonderful parents. But as a normal human being, deep inside my heart, there are things I wish I could have and change about my life, but it’s too personal for me to write it here.

Loving is what I have taught myself to do; Forgiving is the ultimate thing I have always told myself to practice, and Learning is what I am going to keep on doing till the last day of my life.

I may not live long in this world to see every single person in my life achieve their dreams, but as long as I live, I want to see myself achieve the dreams I have been dreaming and will help my loved ones to achieve theirs.

Will I ever be the person I have always wanted to be?

I wanna be remembered for the deeds that I have done.
I wanna be remembered for my legacy.

Maybe I’m wishing too hard.

To you my dear, if you are reading this, trust me, this is just another phase in your life. You are hurt and you are down on the ground. I promise, I will try my very best to help you to stand up on your feet back again and be the person you are used to be. But promise me, you will never give up and never look back.

“Barang yang lepas, janganlah dikenang,
Kalau dikenang, meracunlah diri”

To you my friend, if you ever read this, you seem to not care about the past. I adore you for being strong but remember what goes around comes around. You are young, and the road is still long for you. But I will respect you for who you are.

FFM21

It’s awards time once again!

This year, Festival Filem Malaysia or better known as FFM will enter its 21st year and the awards ceremony will be held in Putrajaya on 9th august 2008. 103 films were qualified to compete in FFM21.

I’m not really into local film industry but I do support local filmmakers who have been making good and intelligent movies (read: intelligent!). This particular award is not as prestigious as the Oscars or even Golden Globe but kira bolehlah!

The final nominations have been announced and to be honest, I’m kind of bored with the nominees. But well, our industry is so small, so that’s why banyak nama yang sama sahaja tercalon tiap tiap tahun.

Here is the list of nominees:

ANUGERAH PERDANA

Pengarah Filem Terbaik:
1. Hatta Azad Khan – Wayang (tak tengok lagi)
2. Shuhaimi Baba - 1957 Hati Malaya (tolonglah jangan dia menang!)
3. Ahmad Idham – Congkak (what the eff?)
4. Mamat Khalid – KMBM (nak dia menang)
5. Osman Ali - Anak Halal (ada can menang)

Pelakon Lelaki Terbaik:
1. Afdlin Shauki – Sepi (ada can menang)
2. Adlin Aman Ramlie – Susuk (nak dia menang)
3. Rosyam Nor – KMBM (bukan dah bosan ke?)
4. Eman Manan – Wayang (tak tengok lagi)
5. Farid Kamil - Anak Halal (takpe, lain tahun!)

Pelakon Wanita Terbaik:
1. Maya Karin - Anak Halal (nak dia menang)
2. Erra Fazira – Anak (tolonglah jangan dia menang!)
3. Fazura – Kayangan (tak tengok lagi)
4. Nasha Aziz – Otai (tak tengok jugak)
5. Vanidah Imran – Akhirat (citer ape ni?)

Lakon Layar Terbaik:
1. Wayang - Hatta Azad Khan (tak tengok lagi)
2. KMBM - Mamat Khalid (ada can menang)
3. Sepi - Ara & Mira Mustaffa (nak dia menang)
4. Anak Halal - Osman Ali (ada can menang)
5. Cuci - Hans Isaac (takpelah, lain tahun eh?)

Cerita Asal Terbaik:
1. Wayang - Hatta Azad Khan (tak tengok lah!)
2. KMBM - Mamat Khalid (nak dia menang)
3. Sepi - Ara & Mira Mustaffa (ada can menang)
4. Anak Halal - Osman Ali (ada can menang)
5. Pensil - M.Subash (pun ada can menang)

Sinematografi Terbaik:
1. Evolusi KL Drift - Raja Mukhriz Raja Ahmad Kamarudin (tamo, tamo!)
2. Sepi - Mohd Nor Kassim (cantik sangat..nak dia menang!)
3. Susuk - Daven Raghaven (ada can menang)
4. Kayangan - Raja Mukhriz (cantik ke?)
5. Anak Halal - Khalid Zakaria (takpelah, biase je)

Penyunting Terbaik:
1. 1957 Hati Malaya - Nik Haslinda Nik Hussain / Kamarudin Abu
2. Wayang - Hafiz Kamaruzaman
3. Congkak - Ahmad Mustadha
4. KMBM - Raja Affandi Raja Jamaludin
5. Sepi - Johan Bahar

Skor Muzik Asal Terbaik:
1. Wayang - Hafiz Askiak
2. KMBM - Ahmad Badaruddin
3. Susuk - Hardesh Singh
4. Anak Halal - Nurzaidi Abdul Rahman
5. 1957 Hati Malaya - Sharon Paul

Filem Animasi Terbaik:
1. Family Portrait - The One Academy
2. Upin & Ipin - Les! Copaque Prod.Sdn Bhd
3. World War - University of Hertfordshire
4. Nene Breshke - Wan Muhammad Tamlikha
5. Apocalypse - The One Academy

Filem Dokumentari Terbaik:
1. Making The Cut - Reel Network Sdn Bhd
2. The Woodsmiths - Reel Network Sdn Bhd
3. The Perak Man - Eurofine / FINAS
4. Kami Yang Disyaki - UiTM
5. Restoring Merdeka - Leong Hon Yuen

Filem Pendek Terbaik:
1. Hasrat - Martias Entertainment
2. Tiffin - Chor Ai Lene
3. Eyefinger - Marge Bong
4. Burp - ASWARA
5. Kopitiam Kurang Manis – UiTM

Filem Digital Terbaik:
1. Yantra
2. Malaysia's Sweet Heart
3. Wirasiswi
4. Ganavin / Vanthaanda Herd
5. Jarum Halus

Filem Terbaik
(Akan dimaklumkan pada malam anugerah)

ANUGERAH CIPTA

Pelakon Pembantu Lelaki Terbaik:
1. Zul Huzaimy - Wayang
2. Farid Kamil - KMBM
3. Adlin Aman Ramlie - 1957 Hati Malaya
4. Eizlan Yusof - Impak Maksima
5. Fauzi Nawawi - Anak Halal

Pelakon Pembantu Wanita Terbaik:
1. Nabila Huda - Akhirat
2. Nanu Baharuddin - 1957 Hati Malaya
3. Azizah Mahzan - Anak
4. Ruminah Sidek - Pensil
5. Dynaz – Kayangan

Penataan Seni Terbaik:
1. 1957 Hati Malaya - Aida Fitri Buyong / Kamarul Nizam Abd Rahman
2. KMBM - Nazrul Ashraff
3. Susuk - Kek Ting Lam
4. Johnny Bikin Filem - Dr. Anuar Nor Arai
5. Anak Halal - Irwanmazwan Ibrahim

Penataan Bunyi Terbaik:
1. Congkak - Brian Ng
2. KMBM - Azman Abu Hassan
3. Susuk - Add Audio
4. Evolusi KL Drift - Daud Sulaiman
5. Anak Halal - Azman Abu Hassan

Pelakon Kanak-Kanak Terbaik:
1. Erynne Erynna - Congkak
2. Amrul Hisham - Anak
3. Mohd Asrah Akis - Wayang
4. Mohd Asrah Afif - Wayang
5. Erin Malek – Congkak

Pengarah Harapan Terbaik:
1. Hans Isaac - Cuci
2. M.Subash - Pensil
3. Mohd Latif Zami - Dunia Baru The Movie
4. Syamsul Yusof - Evolusi KL Drift
5. Barney Lee – Anak

Pelakon Harapan Lelaki:
1. M.Subash - Pensil
2. Moh. Kamarulzaman Taib - 1957 Hati Malaya
3. Wan Kenari Ibrahim - Wayang
4. Zaefaul Nadzarine Nordin - 1957 Hati Malaya
5. Syamsul Yusof - Evolusi KL Drift

Pelakon Harapan Wanita:
1. Julia Ziegler - Kayangan
2. Lisa Surihani - I'm Not Single
3. Mas Muharni - Wayang
4. Avaa Vanja - KMBM
5. Diana Rafar – Susuk (nak dia menang!)

Pereka Kostum / Busana:
1. 1957 Hati Malaya - Dee Hasnan / Ezrah Rahim
2. Johnny Bikin Filem - Ayu Haswida
3. Susuk - Mohd Zaini Abdul Rahman
4. Anak Halal - Mohamad Zaini Abdul Rahman
5. KMBM - Nasirah Ramlan

Poster Terbaik:
1. Cuci
2. Susuk
3. Anak Halal
4. Evolusi KL Drift
5. Pensil

Lagu Tema Asal Terbaik:
(Akan dimaklumkan pada malam anugerah)

ANUGERAH KHAS JURI
(5 Anugerah dari tersebut atau yang sesuai mengikut tema festival)

Kenapa tak umum calon filem terbaik? Apa apa tah! Kalau Oscars awal awal lagi dah umum! Motif? Hehu!

Good luck to all the nominees may the best man wins!

Anyway, today I’m planning to do something with my hair. I’m going to either trim it or cut it off. But, I don’t want my hair to be short, I like it long but when it’s long, it will be messy and I have to iron it everyday in order to make it look slightly better (read: slightly). Ironing your hair can cause damage. Sad huh?

Why do I like my hair to be long? So that I can cover my forehead. I just hope I’m not experiencing “receding hairlines disease”. No, not now!

Wiken

I’m still sick. My throat is so dry (the only term that I know), it changes my voice. My voice becomes deeper, and lower. HA HA HA (evil laugh).

I’m having flu too. This is the most annoying part (read: most annoying). I couldn’t stand it. I went to the pharmacy the other day, and bought myself the ubat. Still taking it and hopefully the ubat is working or else I have to drive all the way to Setapak Jaya (my so called family doctor since the day I was born) to get the medicine.

Okay, enough about my sickness. It’s not gonna end and I don’t like to whine although that is exactly what I am doing right now. Okay, full stop.

I have seen 3 movies for the past one week. Yes, three and that’s a record for me. Thanks to my friends (grammar anyone?).

Susuk
A very good Malay thriller. I love the movie so very much and I don’t mind watching it again if anyone else wants to ajak me to watch the movie. (read: ajak me to watch the movie – read between the lines). Hehu. Just kidding. Yes, if anyone interested to watch the movie, and wants me to accompany them (yes, I’ll pay if you don’t want to belanja me), I don’t mind watching it again (no, I’m not paid to promote the movie). The movie is not a typical local thriller. It’s so brilliantly done, with good acting by fabulous cast. Ida was fantastic, Diana was surprisingly good, Sofia was sexually seductive, and Adlin was awesome (part of it because his voice was digitally enhanced). It’s not your normal “ahhhh I’m scared” movie. In fact, it is not a horror movie. Don’t expect Jangan Pandang Belakang thingie in this movie. Even though Jangan Pandang Belakang was good, but I believe Susuk is far better than JPB, in terms of, hmm…everything I guess. The storyline is good, the plot is strong, the art direction is superb (again, I’m NOT paid to cakap-cakap baik about the movie). This is by far the best Malay movie I have seen this year (so Sepi dah jadi no 2..hehu). I’m Not Single? No, I don’t think I’m gonna watch it. So, my advice, go and watch this movie. It is worth your money. You get pening somehow, but that’s the best part of the movie.

Note: Susuk opens on 7th august 2008

The Dark Knight
Okay, now I can use the line, “it’s merely just hype with no substance”. Haha, no, that’s exaggerating. No doubt that the movie is excellent, but I somehow I feel that something is missing somewhere. Macam takde the real WOW factor in the movie. The movie is good because of the Joker. Heath Ledger brought the character alive and he was amazing. For me the movie is just like other Hollywood action movies. Boom here, blast there, you know that kind of thing. I won’t watch the movie for the second time. Period.

Sex and the City
Ah, to be honest, I have never seen the series on TV so I don’t really know the characters. The movie was funny, but that was it. It was as cliché as it can be. It’s a typical feel good movie. I have something to say actually, Sarah Jessica Parker (SJP) looked so old and hideous. I despise most of her outfit in the movie. Mekap SJP tebal macam lahanat. Like OMG! Cyntia Nixon was like OMG! Uglynye! The things that I like were Charlotte’s black dress (she wore during Carrie’s wedding – the tak jadi one), the royal blue Manolo’s heels, and..urm….tu je kot. The rest macam plain boring.

Okay, now tukar topic.

My gaji just masuk last Saturday. Thank god! I gave my mom like almost half of my gaji because I bought my baju melayu cloth dengan guna duit dia dulu, and I bought her cloth too, and my hutang for LRT ticket. Ya, ya, ya..I owed my mom money, so what? Hehu.

So on Saturday, I went to Tesco Ampang and shopped a little. Bought some biscuits and other stuffs. Habis dlm RM 65 gak. Then yesterday, I went to Ikea, and bought curtain rod for my room and accessories die. Habis dalam 50 bucks lagi. Adoi pening, duit keluar macam air. Hehu. Salah sendiri kan? Okay. Enough! I won’t spend on unnecessary things anymore.

I dah pening.. ahh tidak!

Uncertainty

How do I describe the feeling?

Uncertainty.

Never had I expected it coming. I was so content living in my own fantasy world without realizing it, although I tried to keep it as real as it can be. I was flying in the air of my own imagination until the day when the arrow of hatred pierced through my heart. The day when I woke up, fell down, and hurt again.

Something so sudden, but yet anticipated. Yes. I was so eager. Eager to have the love I have been hoping for. Eager to swim in the ocean of happiness. Eager to climb the mountain of joy. But have I ever considered that I might be entering my own fantasy world once again?

No.

This complication of mind and heart is making me suffer. I don’t want to know what the ending of the tale is and how it would be. Yes, nobody wants to be hurt. I don’t want to be hurt, again.

River of tears is flowing down. It’s unstoppable.

Ku yakin ini kisah ku nanti,
Namun ku terima kira ia musnah,
Kerna hati ini tak terbagi,
Jauh sekali ia terbelah

Tidak lagiku kuperlu waktu
Tapi kamu, itu ku tahu,
Akhir jelas dalam hatimu,
Di sini aku sedia menunggu.

Kasih ini tak mudah kuberi,
Mungkin suka kerap kubagi,
Namun sayang tidak kucari,
Kerna ia kan datang sendiri.

Aku lelah mengejar bayang,
Pasti ku akan terdampar jatuh,
Kiranya rasa itu hilang,
Akan ku buang kenangan, jauh jauh.

Hug me if you need to
Kiss me if you want to,

Love me if you do,
but love me with your heart…

Afraid

I’m afraid.

Afraid that I will lose perhaps, the only chance of my happiness.
Afraid that what I am believing is unreal.
Afraid that all of these are just temporary lies.
Afraid that I will lose something I thought I would own.

I am afraid.

I know the feeling has been there for such a long time. I somehow couldn’t believe it is actually happening. But could it be real?

Or am I just dreaming?

Deep down inside, I wonder whether what I have heard, what I have been told are the truth or just plain lies

I’m not doubting anyone’s heart. I’m not doubting mine either. But I will be lying if I said that I don’t wonder. Things are going so well, it seems unbelievably good. And never have I felt that good before. I’m happy. I honestly am. But, I just want to know that I am being happy for something real. My heart is too fragile to be hurt.

I am afraid.

Happy!

I am so happy

Happy as I can be!

p/s: I never felt this way since the last time I felt this way. (what a sentence!)

Persona

After a short discussion last night, there will be a light change in my plan (my plan?) of buying a car.

My dad wants it to be as our second family car.

So, instead of buying this car

He wants to buy this one!

I’m sad. I want my veevee. But because Myvi tu hanya 1.3 , he doesn’t want. Dia kata tak pick up and etc. I can’t say much. I’ll be sharing the installments with him won’t I? Never mind. But I’m just scared it will take months for me to get the car. That will annoy me. And I don’t like things to irritate me. Nobody does aight?

Imagine, a friend of mine ordered the car like 4 months ago and dia masih lagi tak dapat the car. Oh my god. And he already paid the down payment like 6000 something. 4freaking months? Kalau I dah fengsan.

Okay, nak change the topic now. Putting aside the car thingie, let me tell you now, I’m broke! Like totally. Well adalah baki baki duit dalam bank, tapi tu pun setakat CUKUP MAKAN. Arghhh!! I don’t like this situation! I hate it so very much. Wish I have someone that I can just call and ask dia masukkan duit bila I kering. That’d be so effing nice kan?

Let me tell you why I’m broke or on my way of bankruptsy. Because of my trip to Perhentian Island! Okay, I’m not blaming it on the trip because I was the one yang excited gila nak vacay semua kan? So I’m facing the consequences of my decision. Do you wanna know how much I actually spent for the trip? The total cost of my 3 days trip to heaven?

It’s

RM881!!!

*fengsan!*

That is close to 900 bucks (not USD u doink!)

Maybe to some of you, that amount of money is nothing kan, coz you guys kerja menletop-letop, but to me, like Oh My God!

Tu la encik Adi Luqman ni tak reti nak belanja dengan berhemah! I so need to record all of my expenses again. Keep track of the money yang keluar. Learn how to budget. So kenalah feeling feeling jadi menteri kewangan untuk buat Bajet 2008/2009. Plus, I’m be acquiring a car which I’ll be paying in half. So my monthly commitment will increase. Scary!

Okay, this is what I need to pay every month:
My Astro : 50 bucks
My mom : 150 bucks (so little kan?)
My peesee: 200 bucks ( I have to pay to my dad because I bought this thing using his evil plastic card)
My limosine : 100 bucks
My Maxis : 100 bucks (and it’s increasing due to my phone activities!)

So in total now, I have to pay 600 bucks for everything. So that is like almost half of my nett pay.

As for the car, I have already told my dad, the maximum amount of kertas yang ada signature gabenor bank Negara tu, yang I boleh kasi untuk bayar the installment is only 300 buck. Jadi, after this my monthly commitment would be,

RM 900!!!

*fengsan kali kedua*

Takkooottt!!!!!!

Camne nak shopping dah after this? (selama ni kau shopping sangat ke?)
Camne nak makan best best? (you DO eat like a cow, according to your office colleagues!)
Camne nak tengok wayang hari hari? (eh, hari hari ke aku tengok pun?)
Camne nak jalan jalan buang duit? (doink! Sejelas jelasnya you can’t simply spend your money!)

Hmm, I’m still waiting for my choir payment and god knows when they will bank the money in to my bank account. Mintak all the details bagai nak rak. Sign the contract bagai. Paymentnya? Next year I think!!

Penat lah piker pasal duit. Nak nangis je rasa. Tetiba dah tader mood.

Booboo!!!

BooBoo

Bila hati berkata sayang, fikiran mula merawang
Bila cinta mula ada, hati mula jadi gelora

I never expected things would be this way. Part of me wants to believe it is real, but part of me is saying, could this be true?

Love is so complicated; it makes you stand upside down. Love is so complicated; it makes you go round and around.

Love can ruin lives. Love can be damaging. Love is dangerous. It may create anger, hatred, and you can never see. It changes you.

What’s the huge deal about love anyway? The deal is huge, you can never measure.

Bila hati tak berdetik cinta, jelas sudah perasaan tak mampu dipaksa,Bila cinta dah dinyata, hadapilah hakikat yang bakal diterima

Okay, change topic.

My dad suggested that I should by a car and he said he would share the monthly payment with me. Very interesting kan? I got all excited after knowing that he actually WANTS to share the installments! How can you resist that?

I have been wanting to own a car for quite sometime, but it is just that, I’m afraid of the commitment. You know, I have to apply loans etc, it’s quite a huge thing kan? I’m not even 21 yet. But someone (someone ke?) told me that it’s actually good for me to be committed to something. Menjadikan I lebih bertanggungjawab. It’s very true.

So, I have made up my mind, I will just go for it. I hope everything will turn out be good. What car I will be buying?

This one!


I love this car. I want it in black.

But everything is still on the initial stage. Wish me luck!

p/s: miss my booboo.

Annoyed

I’m annoyed. I know I am. Why?
Because of few things.

Sarcasm
It’s useful when it is needed. You may apply it when it is necessary but definitely not all the time. It will be such an annoyance if you do not know when is the appropriate time for you to be all sarcastic to someone else. You have to remember one thing; people may not like you because of your attitude. Yes, you can say, “what you see is what you get, if you do not like me, then be it, I won’t give a damn!” but who on earth will actually care for you if you don’t know how to behave? You are not that great to humiliate others. Certain people can consider your sarcasm as something funny, but if your sarcasm is getting boring and sickening, maybe you should just lay low and shut the eff up. It’s better that way.

Jealousy
Okay, I have this friend of mine. I can consider him as a good friend because he has helped me a lot. We have been friends for many years. I respect him as my friend. But one thing about him that I realized, I don’t know how to say this but he macam akan, jealous kot whenever I have something “more” than him. Entahlah, it’s becoming more obvious. If I buy something new, tak lama lepas tu he will definitely get something for him too. It’s going to be either the same thing that I bought or something better. I don’t know why. It’s annoying. Kalau sekali dua takpe, but this is like almost everytime. What the fuck? Susah lah. Nak tunjuk dia banyak duit ke? Please. Simpan jelah duit tu. Lepas tu kalau dia dapat beli benda tu dengan harga yang lebih murah, he will definitely tell me he got it for a cheaper price. For what? To make me jealous? Tolonglah. I don’t give a damn!

Boring jugak weekend ni. Didn’t do much.

Miss my sayang.

Wah, my sayang? Merepek je! Hahaha.

No, no, just kidding.

I just got back from Jalan TAR. It has been really long since I last went there. It’s getting crowded and packed with people. I have to go there once again early next month to get my baju melayu cloth. I know what I want and I will just grab it later. Senang.

Okay, dah maghrib. I’m off to the loo. Byebye

Dua

How do you react to something unexpected?

You will either be surprised and shocked or you will not feel a thing because you are too numb to have feelings.

I couldn’t describe how I am feeling. I couldn’t put them into appropriate words. I have no idea how to express what is on my mind.

I don’t like the idea of dealing with this kind of thing. Once I have made up my mind about something, it’s pretty hard for me to change it. Well, I guess I can never change it.

Anyway, I just got back from Perhentian. It was an amazing trip. The resort was good, the food was wonderful, the people were nice, the weather was fantastic, and the scenery/location was absolutely gorgeous.

I will post the pictures soon. Right now, I’m dealing with some unwanted thingies. Life is funny. It can be seriously funny. 2 people at the same time? I have never predicted that. Wow.

Two?

What should I do?

Menyesal

Semula ku tak yakin
Kau lakukan ini padaku
Meski dihati merasa
Kau berubah saat kau mengenal dia

Bila cinta tak lagi untukku
Bila hati tak lagi padaku
Mengapa harus dia yang merebut dirimu

Bila aku tak baik untukmu
Dan bila dia bahagia dirimu
Aku kan pergi meski hati tak akan rela

Terkadang ku menyesal
Mengapa ku kenalkan dia padamu

Menyesal, Ressa Herlambang

Typical Malay Drama?

I just finished writing my first ever script. Well, it is actually a story that I translated into a script because I don’t really like writing stories like novel etc because I tend to lose interest halfway.

“Sofia, Julia, Zarif dan Zarith are four individuals living in the city. Zarif and Zarith are brothers while Sofia and Julia are best friends.

One is still in love,
One is waiting for love,
One is hoping for love, and
One needs love.

In this unpredictable tale of love, they will be linked in a conflict that will transform all of their lives forever. Is all fair in love and war?

Only god knows..”

“Sofia, Julia, Zarif dan Zarith adalah empat individu yang berbeza. Zarif dan Zarith adalah pasangan adik beradik manakala Sofia dan Julia adalah kawan baik.

Seorang masih mencintai,
Seorang tetap menanti cinta,
Seorang pula mengharapkan cinta, dan
Seorang lagi perlukan cinta.

Dalam sebuah kisah yang tidak dijangkakan, mereka akan disatukan di dalam satu konflik yang bakal mengubah hidup mereka buat selamanya. Bilakah penderitaan akan berakhir dan bilakah bahagia akan menjelma kembali?

Hanya tuhan yang tahu…”

A friend of mine told me that I have been watching too much tv. HahaMaybe this story is like a typical malay drama. But somehow, I feel that this story is quite different.

I’m so glad that I actually managed to finish the story off. Cerita ni dah ada dalam kepala otak I since last year, baru sekarang berjaya ditulis dalam masa seminggu. Amazing huh? Gila actually. Hahaha.

I don’t know what to do with it. See la how. :P

Penatnya!

I am so freaking tired. I’m having a major terrible headache (maybe a lil exaggerating).

Last night concert went really well. I’m so lega to know that everything has ended. After a month of hardwork, it all paid off. I had so much fun with the choir. It really helped me though I have to bare all the mental and physical stress (whoa!).

We are given a week off. So I don’t have to go for any practices this week. I thank god for that. Last night, we were asked to sign a contract given by the choir manager. The contract contains all the details about the payment. I can’t reveal how much I’m gonna get but as a probation member, I’m going to get slightly less than the permanents. Sucks but that is how it works. To think about it again, it is kinda unfair because we (the probation members) worked as hard as the others but well, that is life. Whatever.

I’m not sure what would be the actual amount of payment I will be getting but the amount stated on the paper was pretty impressive (is it?). Maybe I will get around 200-300 less than the actual amount. I’m quite happy with it.

But I am still considering whether I nak teruskan atau tidak join this choir. I have to be really committed to it. There will be more concerts in the future and obviously I have to come for all of the rehearsals if I were to continue joining the team and be picked for the concerts.

I feel like sleeping right now. I just wish I could lie down on my bed and just…zzzz. I can hardly open my eyes. My head feels heavy and feels like it gonna blow anytime soon.

If I have the time, and if I tak lupa, I will try to upload few pics from last night. Just to share with you guys, my loyal (loyal keh?) readers. Thank you guys.

I’m gonna makan few more ubat. I just makan 2 biji panadol. It’s definitely not working. I need something stronger! Stronger!

Chow.

EMPAT

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And
when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your
roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should
ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not
excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is
just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love
itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both
an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that
grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen
from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

Captain Corelli's Mandolin.
"Love is the beauty of the soul."

--St. Augustine

Cinta dan kehidupan memang tak dapat dipisahkan. Dalam kehidupan ada cinta dan dalam cinta ada kehidupan. Cinta adalah penawar dan cinta juga mampu meracuni diri seseorang.

How do you define love or cinta?

How do you know you are in love?

Orang kata, pabila hati berdebar saat memikirkan seseorang, itu tanda dalam hati ada cinta.
Orang kata, pabila badan menjadi lemah saat memandang seseorang, itu tanda dalam hati ada cinta.

Betul ke?

Atau it is merely infatuation?

I’m not sure whether I have been in love or not. I’m 21. Mungkin terlalu awal untuk I berbicara soal cinta. Tapi yang pasti, I pernah menyayangi. Adakah I pernah mencintai? Sayang dan cinta sangat dekat antara satu dengan yang lain but there is one very fine line that separates both of them. It’s very hard to be explained, or maybe there are no words could explain the true meaning or sayang dan cinta.

When you meet someone yang you suka, you feel that you are slowly falling in ‘love’ with the person. You would do anything to make the person happy. You would change yourself just to give good impression to the person you are trying to attract. You would want to be with the person all the time. Anything about the person gives you the power to breathe, to live. But when something bad happens, the world turns dark. You would be disappointed. You would want to hurt yourself because you are being hurt by the person you thought you are in ‘love’ with. Everything seems wrong to you. The world turns upside down. Frustrations, angers, are your new ‘best friends’. At that moment of time, you will regret for falling in ‘love’ with that person. Anything about the person would no longer be good to you. You wish you could fall out of ‘love’ but falling out of ‘love’ is harder than it seems.

But are you sure, you are in ‘love’?

Why am I bringing this love matter up?

You might say, this is the most ‘boring’ blog you have ever read online. It’s okay. I won’t mind.

But this is where I could express my feelings.

Recent events have taught me a lot. I kerap kali mengingatkan diri I sendiri supaya tidak melakukan kesilapan yang sama berulang kali. So far, I managed to control myself. I hope I could. I feel a lot better now after burying few of my feelings. Burying? Yes. It sounds stupid and illogical but that is the truth.

I’m currently in a very weird situation. I’m not sure what I should do. Hopefully, semuanya akan berakhir. One twisted story.

I am in the midst of writing a story. The story I have been keeping for quite sometime. I hope I could finish it up by next week. It’s more like script. Tajuk ceita ini masih lagi belum ada, but draft title maybe ‘EMPAT’ but I’m not sure.

“Mengisahkan tentang 4 jiwa, Sofia, Julia, Zarif dan Zarith. Tentang pergolakan cinta, kehidupan, pengorbanan dan kasih sayang. 4 jiwa yang berasingan, disatukan dalam satu konflik, konflik yang mencipta sengsara dan kebencian. Komplikasi hati yang amat membingungkan. Bagaimana akhirnya? Only god knows.”

Sepi

SEPI
Yuni Shara
OST Sepi (2008)

Sepi hati terjadi lagi
Mungkin sampai mati
Aku sepi
Biar senyum hadir di hariku
Namun ini hanya
Ada di bibir
Di bibir saja

Aku ini yang bisa mengerti
Walaupun yang lain mau mengerti
Namun berat beban di hidupku
Biarkan saja
Biar saja hanya ku yang tahu

Sejarah cinta dan hidupku
Penuh duri dan banyak ranjau
Butuh kesabaran yang penuh
Untuk tetap kuberdiri
Oh! ada saatnya kubicara
Bila hatiku t'lah bulat
Sepanjang kubisa atasi semua
Aku tetap diam

Lirik lagu ni memang sangat touching. I love this song so very much. It relates to me in so many ways. It’s about loneliness and how hard to cope with it when you are in that situation. I have been through it and still going through it.

I just came back from KLCC. I have been wanting to watch this movie ever since I heard about it. Directed by Kabir Bhatia, pengarah dan juga penulis bersama filem Cinta yang memang tersangat best. Based on early reviews yang I baca, ada yang kata filem Cinta lebih baik dan ada juga yang lebih menyukai filem Sepi berbanding dengan Cinta.

Obviously I expect something more than Cinta from Kabir. Something bigger. I love Kabir’s works in terms of cinematography. Shot-shot kamera yang dia ambil for Cinta sangat hebat. Jarang ada dalam filem-filem melayu yang biasa. Kabir is a brilliant director. I don’t know how to explain it but dia tahu macam mana nak buat penonton merasai apa yang ditonton dan mempengaruhi perasaan penonton dengan shot-shot yang indah dan lagu-lagu yang mampu menyentap emosi.

But after watching it, Sepi tidaklah seperti apa yang I expect. It’s not bigger.It is more simple. Sepi adalah sebuah filem yang sangat simple dari segi storyline. Senang faham. Tetapi masih berat dari segi maksud cerita-cerita yang ada dalam filem itu.

Sepi combines 3 stories in one movie. Kisah tentang Adam (Afdlin Shauki), Sufi (Tony Eusoff) dan Imaan (Baizura Kahar). Memang betul kata Ajami, Sepi reminds me of filem Berbagi Suami. It’s similar dari segi penceritaan. Ketiga-tiga story dalam Sepi berkaitan antara satu dengan yang lain.

I suka dengan ketiga-tiga cerita yang disampaikan. Ketiga-tiganya punyai mesej yang tersendiri dan dilakonkan oleh brilliant actors. For me, the best character in this movie is Suzy, played by Nasha Aziz. She was really good. I’m impressed with her acting. It seems effortless and so natural. Props to her. Kabir and his team know how to pick the actors. Semuanya kena. Afdlin was great. Even Baizura pun bagus. Eja tak paying cakap lah. Tengok dia menangis pun kita dah boleh sebak. Air mata meleleh-leleh macam air paip.

But to me, personally, I love Sufi’s story. Though it seems unreal sebab Marya (Eja) is married, and Sufi still wants her and he sanggup tunggu for her. I know how it feels to wait for the one you love. It hurts. Macam lagu Seribu Tahun (Imran Ajmain). Kisah Baizura pun best sebab dia masih tak dapat merelakan pemergian Khalil (Pierre Andre) sampai terbawa-bawa dalam kehidupan seharian. I love the part when Ean (Syen Hussein) said to Imaan yang in a coma, “Just go”. It was so touching. I don’t know how many times I cried while watching this movie. Bukanlah menangis bagai nak rak kan, just terasa apa yang diceritakan so airmata pun adalah meleleh jugak. I think during Sufi’s and Imaan’s stories.

It will be nicer kalau Kabir dapat extend kisah Suzy sebab charater dia sangat gila-gila and funny. I want to know how she really feels bila dapat tahu yang Adam tak cintakan dia.

Overall cerita ni memang best dan lain daripada filem melayu yang biasa. So to those yang tak tengok lagi movie ni, go and watch it. It’s so far, the best movie of the year.

Bisikku pada bulan
Kembalikan temanku
Kekasihku, syurgaku

Tanpa dia malam menemaniku
Sepi memelukku

Bulan jangan biar siang biar alam ini kelam
Biar ia sepi sepertiku

www.sepithemovie.com

p/s: memang I tengah sepi. So this song will be my theme song for the moment. I'm fighting it. I don't know how am I feeling actually, it is just so complicated. Am I gonna be like Sufi for the rest of my life? Or should be like Adam? But at least Adam gets what he wants eventually. I have never..

KL FEST

I’m so tired. I’m so tired waking up in the morning (morning ke?) feeling all exhausted. Tonight will be the first show out of two that we (the National Choir team) are going to do. Last night full dress rehearsal was a major disaster.

I hate dealing (indirectly) with fucked up event organizers. The organizer of this particular event (the launching of Kuala Lumpur Festival 2008) is so stupid. Why? Here’s why:

1. Why the hell do you want to do an event launching in front of KLCC’s fountain? Do you know how small the area is? How congested it’s gonna be? Okay, fine, maybe you want to get as much attention as you can.

2. The stage is so fucking small yet they want to put hundreds of people on it. What the fuck?

3. I hate last minute changes. It’s freaking annoying when we had to do last minute changes. I know, I know it’s normal to do all that but please, no wonder lah takkan pernah dapat buat perfect show sebab banyak sangat idea idea ‘bernas’ dan ‘brilliant’ last last minute. Lepas tu expect others to follow. Tahu tak betapa penatnya mengikut arahan-arahan yang best tu? Lepas tu complaint we all perform tanpa energy. Are you freaking kidding me?

4. Stop membebel can you?(to theperson who has been membebel since forever). You voice annoys me. Like BIG TIME!

5. Who wears a coat/blazer while dancing? Kalau cantik takpe lah jugak. Luckilly the idea of wearing the blazer sudah di scrapped off. So we just have to wear the shirt. Yes, that freaking big shirt yang I hanya akan pakai sekiranya berat badan I naik dr 45 kg ke 70 kg!

6. Stop telling us we Nampak macam tak enjoy performing and dipaksa-paksa. Well, somehow we memang dipaksa-paksa pun kan. Buat itu, buat ini, gosh! A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G!

Biasalah. Government shows. Datuk sana datuk sini yang jadi pengarah untuk the event. Whatever!

Sigh.

I tried my very best to keep the positive energy by smiling and thinking about good stuffs. Luckilly I don’t have that much pressure feeling nervous performing in front a large audience (that is because I’m doing it with a group, so their attention will not be on me alone). I just want this freaking thing to end. I can’t wait for it though I know I will have to go through another week of you know what!

Talking about next week, unfortunately I won’t be able to join my Zianafolks friends pergi expedition ke Gua Tempurung though I memang BERHARAP sangat dapat pergi. I’m not a nature guy. Tak suka pergi hutan-hutan neh, panjat sana sini but bila I dah ada rasa dan mood dan keinginan untuk mecuba, masa pulak tak mengizinkan. Why? Why? Geram sangat. Especially bila membayangkan betapa seronoknya mereka mereka semua tu buat ekpedisi together. Arghh!!!

But as a professional, I have to be committed. I’m working so I have to have responsibilities terhadap kerja yang telah diberikan (I sounded so lame!). But still, do you know how I feel? Arghhh!!! Nak ikut!!!

Today, I am supposed to be in KLCC at 4. How amazing is that! Bukannya kena make up segala tapi still kena datang pukul 4. Nak buat latihan lagi lah tu kan sebab baaaaannnnnyyyyyaaaakkkkk sangat last minute changes! You all yang buat changes we all yang terseksa jiwa raga. Bayaran obviously lah ciput kan. Government, mesti punya!Lpeas tu dapat lagi 2-3 bulan kan? Mesti punya. Kalau sorang dibayar 3000, you all nak suruh I practice sampai pukul 2 pagi I sanggup. Janji bank I bertambah 3000. Berangan!

I’m not THAT pissed actually. Just that geram with everything. I’m tired, pastu not really well , and then kena buat show bangang malam neh, lepas tu tak dapat join the happening people next week etc etc. Sigh.

I thought off taking pictures last night tapi tak kuasa nak click sana sini. Malam ni jelah. Tu pun kalau ada mood. And someone is making me feeling all miserable.

p/s: Adi Luqman, you are so stupid for letting others to invade your mind. Don’t make the same mistake again!

Sepi

SEPI

Lepaskan
Diriku ini jauh pergi
Jangan kau
Cuba tuk mencariku lagi
Derita yang kau cipta
Tiada terperi
Sakitnya dalam hati

Puisi
Indah darimu aku benci
Tak bisa
Untuk ku dengarinya lagi
Kau lukai jiwaku
Ku luka hatiku
Cukuplah sekali

Kau mendustai diri ini dengan dia
Kau membuat diri ini tak punya cinta
Mengapa harus begini
Kisah hidupku tak pernah lepas dari
Sepi

Cerita
Cintaku ini penuh duri
Tak daya
Untukku mengharungi lagi
Relakan segalanya
Biarku sendiri jalani
Sepi

...............

This is my 3rd original malay composition. Cerita lagu ini mengisahkan tentang seseorang yang telah didustai oleh kekasihnya. So cliché kan? But the song has its own meaning.

Why sepi? Because the main character in the song sentiasa sepi. Apabila cinta ditemui, sepinya hilang namun hatinya dilukai, maka sepilah lagi.

This song has been inspired by a story. A story told by a friend of mine about his past love. Yes, lagu ini juga di inspirasikan dari filem Sepi dan lagu tema filem itu, nyanyian Yuni Shara yang juga menggunakan tajuk yang sama. But the feeling of this song (my song) is more to frustration, disappointment selepas ditipu kekasih.

I will try to record the song as soon as I found the time to do it. Lagu English yang sebelum ini pun masih tak dapat I record lagi. Couldn’t find the right time. Been very busy with choir practices.
Tonight will be the full dress rehearsals of our performance for tomorrow night’s event. I hate dress rehearsals because you will have to act as if you are performing for the real thing and you’d have to wear the costume. I tried the costume last night and it sucks. The blazer is awful and the shirt is downright ugly. I wish I could just throw those things away. Major fashion crime! Another thing, How can we dance sambil pakai blazer yang buruk nak mamp*s tu? Ahh…craziness!

Anyway, I just can’t wait untuk habiskan this whole thing. Yeah! Memang busy gila sampai I sakit sakit. Luckilly semua orang sangat best dan fun. Tak sabar nak pergi Perhentian for my vacay. I want to rest and enjoy myself.

p/s: Tak sabar nak tengok filem Sepi. I think I wanna watch it this Sunday. With? Hmmm ..hahaha

Dia

I just woke up. I’m not well. I have been coughing for days. I ada sore throat sikit.

I just changed my layout again. This time, I want it to be clean.

On Tuesday night, my car (my car?) wasn’t available for me to guna untuk pergi choir practice. So I had to tumpang of my colleagues. She said she can drop me dekat Istana Budaya. I was so glad because nak jalan kaki dari star lrt titiwangsa station ke Istana Budaya boleh membuatkan satu badan basah dengan peluh yang melekit-lekit. So I tak sanggup nak buat tu lagi. Lagipun takkan ada teksi yang baik hati nak hantar pergi ke IB dari sana. I hate cabs! Mereka tu bukan public transport pun. Menyusahkan aje!

Back to my story.

So lepas habis practice, I asked a favor from my choir mates to drop me off dekat lrt titiwangsa. And she did. So kind of her. It was 11 something at night. I was seriously tired. Tengah dekat station tu, orang tak berapa ramai. When I was enjoying the city scenery at night, suddenly teringat dekat dia. Yes, dia.

Because pernah sekali dia dropkan I dekat Titiwangsa station lepas hang out sesame. I still remember, it was raining at that time. Then dia message cakap kalau boleh dia tak mahu I balik lagi. Good ol’ days. Memories that I kept inside, still fresh macam baru berlaku semalam (so cliché!) walaupun dah 2 tahun berlalu.

Wow, 2 years!

That day I ternampak video dia dekat youtube. Funny though. Masa tulah start teringat dekat dia. Damnation!

Now, I memang dah tak fikir pasal dia. Sekali sekala je bila buat benda atau pergi ke sesuatu tempat yang I pernah buat dan pergi dengan dia. And bila orang-orang lain tanya pasal dia, I cakap saje I tak tau (memang tak tau ape ape pun).

Cuma lately neh asyik pulak teringat dekat dia. Maybe there is someone yang I kenal yang reminds me of dia. Walaupun perangai mungkin berbeza but ada something yang buatkan teringat dekat dia bila I dengan that someone. Sigh!

It’s okay. Abaikan.

Thank You

It has been more than a week since I last posted anything. Walaupun I know that my blog tak ramai pembaca macam sesetengah blog yang lain tu, but this is where I mostly cerita about my life.

I’ve been busy with my choir rehearsals. Memang penat sangat. Luckily for the upcoming shows, we just need to sing 2 songs. One for the opening of Kuala Lumpur Music Festival in KLCC on the 28th June (this Saturday) and one more for the closing on the 6th July. We’re going to perform with the National Symphony Orchestra on that night. It’s gonna be a 30 minutes performance.

Apa yang menyebabkan I terasa penat sebab untuk opening performance tu, allof us have to dance. Yes, dance. Macam student AF tu. Ada choreography bagai. Memang sangat interesting and best but penatnye, god knows!

Dalam pada masa yang sama, still ada macam-macam benda yang jadi. The past week has been quite interesting for me. Juanita is pissed dekat Octavio sebab Octavio buat hal sikit. I memang dah tak kisah sangat pasal Octavio tu sebab he’s so different now. I mean, he’s so typical. I’m trying to not get involve too much with him. I believe it’s over.

I think I need to change my blog layout again. I’m getting bored with it. And it looks so sad to me. I have nothing to be sad now. I just want to enjoy my time doing good stuffs. I had a long talk with a friend of mine the other night. Never thought I would be telling him all the things I have told, but I felt better. I don’t know what he thinks about me. Never mind.

My mind has been occupied with many things lately. One of it was Alejandro. Well, still is I think but I’m getting used to the fact that I’m not gonna make anything happen due to the certain personal reasons. Yes, I am the one who is not going to make anything happen.

People might think I’m easy to be influenced and stuff. I may be. But I’m still holding on to my dignity and believing in it. I’m not bragging or anything like that. Although people tells you to just make use of your youth and have fun with it, but I don’t think I am like that. I have done mistakes in the past and I’m trying not to do it anymore. It’s hard to contain the feelings of wanting to be free and do anything you like but as a human being, as manusia, you have to know your roots. Remember where you came from and remember where you would end.

I’m not promising I’ll be good forever because I might break my own promise, but I will try my very best to stay true to myself and be good to others especially to my loved ones.

Judge me as much as you can. Praise me as much as you want. Hate me as long as you feel like it. Love me as much as you can. Thank you, that’s all I could say.

I Need A Miracle

I’m not sure what I am feeling. As usual, I’m confused. Seriously I am.

I think I am the most confused human being in the whole wide world. I’m not ashamed for being who I am right now. It’s something that I can’t avoid. It’s my inner feeling and it has always been there for years. Not that I am happy with it, but I can’t do much about it. Maybe some people might say that I can get rid of it but they might not feel all the things that I am feeling. So, they don’t really know how the feelings are. If they were to be in my shoes, can they handle it? I doubt so.

There’re no words could describe my true feelings at the moment. After such a long time I have been flying under the radar, taking some time off the world, I felt so different. It was like I just committed a huge sin. But I didn’t do anything bad at all. Maybe small tiny little lies that I said just for the sake of not creating any problems. But I believe, lies are still lies. They are still wrong in every way. There’s not such thing as white lie, kan?

I’m not judging anyone. I don’t want to judge anyone. I want to be equal to everyone that I know. Whether they are normal or not, they deserve to be treated equally. But, here’s the thing, am I making the right decision to be involve with them? Ada ke yes or no answer for my question? I don’t know. It all comes back to my first statement. I don’t judge people. Who am I to judge them?

But sometimes I feel that I don’t fit in their world. It’s too much of a fantasy to me. So unreal, so fake and so full of hypocrites. Well, in any world, there are still hypocrites everywhere. Do they really know what they are doing? What world they are living in? Is it going to be forever? Is they are going to be happy doing the things that they have been doing?

I need to ask myself too. Is it worth a lifetime? God gave us only one chance to live. Only one.

My mind is spinning. I want to be the person that I wish I could be but I still have people that I love. I don’t want to hurt their feelings. Their feelings are important. It would haunt me sometimes. But, sigh..I’m so confused.

Which I’d rather do?

Hurting their feelings so that I could have what I want to have? OR
Hurting my feelings so that they could be happy?

But either way, it will still be the same.

Do I need to live in suffer for the rest of my life?

Sometimes I wish I’m not here, in this world. Sometimes I wish I don’t have to be this deep and emotional. Sometimes I wish I could just be free.

So many things are stopping me to break free.

I’m still in this room. In this white empty room. Doors are everywhere. But which should I choose? I’m stuck in this room. I need a miracle.

Miracle.

Not Good Enough

I've been hurt, I've been lied to, I've been fooled.

There's still a long way for me to go, but I ain't gonna let the same thing to happen again. The past has taught me a lot.

This is my second original english composition. The first one was quite stupid but this one is something. I wrote this song for somebody. So, I am dedicating this song to him.

In life we have our own destination to be reached. But the important thing is not the destination, but the journey that we are going to take.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH
By Adi Luqman

I thought you’re different
But you’re just the same
I thought you’re something
But you’re freaking nothing
O why is this happening?
O why? I am asking you
To give me an answer

Because of you my friend
My heart is hurting again
Am I not good enough to you?
Am I not good enough for you?
Because of you my friend
My heart is breaking again
Am I not good enough to you?
Am I not good enough for you?

I thought we’ll be good
But we’re not gonna (no!)
I ain’t got nothing more to say
But I just wanna tell you
How mad I am
Is this how it’s gonna end?

Because of you my friend
My heart is hurting again
Am I not good enough to you?
Am I not good enough for you?
Because of you my friend
My heart is breaking again
Am I not good enough to you?
Am I not good enough for you?

Listen to me
I ain’t dumb for you to fool
I got pride I keep my cool
Heart is fragile
ain’t gonna break no more

Out!

P Ramlee The Musical

Last Saturday, I got the chance to watch the most talked musical show in town, P. Ramlee the Musical. A friend of mine memang baik gile belanja I tengok show tu dekat Istana Budaya. Thank you mate. Appreciate it show much. I memang teringin actually nak tengok show tu, just that I didn’t get the chance before this.

My friend chose the 3 o clock show. We arrived there on time. The show started at 3.15 pm.

I can sum the show up in one word. AMAZING!

Okay, here’s my review :

THE SET
The set was breathtakingly beautiful. I was amazed by the set. Especially set masa dekat dalam ruang tamu rumah P.Ramlee. It was so beautiful. I would say the sets are better than Puteri Gunung Ledang’s (The Musical).

THE STORY
There were some draggy and boring parts. But it was brilliantly covered by the actors and lagu lagu yang sedap. I won’t say the storyline was superb sebab I rasa macam ada moments yang betul-betul boleh menyentap emosi macam ditarik balik. How do I explain it? Hmm..it was like a yoyo. But It was still good though. There were few scenes yang masih lagi melekat in my mind. First, yang masa Musly nyanyi lagu ‘Hujan Di Tengahari’, selepas watak P.Ramlee bercerai dengan Junaidah. Second one, scene pergaduhan antara Norizan(Melissa Saila) dengan P. Ramlee(Musly). That particular was so intense, even I sendiri could feel them . It was THAT good. The third one was when after P.Ramlee bercerai dengan Norizan.Rasa-rasanya dia menyanyikan lagu Jeritan Batinku (terkesima sangat dengan keberkesanan scene sebelumnya sampai lupa lagu apa yang dia nyanyi). Rasa macam I was watching Dreamgirls. Masa Jennifer Hudson nyanyi lagi ‘And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going’. And the last one yang I suka adalah right after P.Ramlee nyanyi lagu Jeritan Batinku itu, the stage macam split kepada 2 bahagian. Bahagian atas, P.Ramlee tengah bersedih (kepala letak atas meja tu, frust tak ingat!), dan di bahagian bawah, Saloma (Liza Hanim) tengah menyayi lagu yang sangat sedap tapi I don’t know what’s the title of the song. Those were the acts yang I betul betul suka. It was like watching an international show.

THE SONGS
I like almost all of the songs! The new compositions were fantastic. Liza Hanim was superby amazing. Her voice buat I rasa melayang. I love her voice. Atilia was really good too. My perception towards her talent jadi berubah lepas dengar dia menyanyikan lagu-lagu dalam show tu dengan sungguh bagus sekali. I love her voice. Emelda, better known as an actress, did deliver her song fantastically. Props to her. She was gorgeous and I belive her portrayal as Azizah is much more better than Siti Nurhaliza (though Siti has way much better voice). But Emelda’s was really sweet. Good choice. Personailiti Emelda lebih kena dengan isi lagu Azizah; Rupa kamu yang cantik/Mata kamu yang bulat. Perfect!

THE CAST
Perfect! That’s all I could say. Musly was really good. Liza Hanim was great. Melissa Saila was flawless. I don’t anything else to say about the actor. Each one of them delivered. Brilliant!

So to those yang masih belum tengok show ni, kalau anda peminat musical show, this one memang kena tengok. Congratulations to the production team. Tiara has just showed to world that Malaysia Truly Boleh!

Coolness! A perfect 5 stars