To Be Or Not To Be

Here I go again, writing sad stuff about my life. My life has always been like this. Maybe not always, that is just an exaggeration.But I am lying if I say that I am okay. I'm am going through a very complicated phase of my life.

I don't know how sad I am at the moment. Very sad I would say. My life, I guess is going to be slightly different after this. I have made up my mind. I have to look for a job. I need to occupy myself with things so that I won't be able to think about unnecessary stuffs that would make my emotions go unstable. Few of my friends are leaving. They are going to continue their studies. New semester, new things. One of them are going to finish of his study, all the best for him. Hopefully he'll do good during is presentation. Others? They are going to be busy with their work. I can't stop 'em. It's their life and I hope for the best.

I'm just gonna be here. As usual.

Friends come and go. Some will just disappear and some will leave a mark in your heart that can never be erased by anyone or anything. I would prefer them to just disappear so that I don't have to think about them again. And so that i don't have to miss them. But that is not how things work. You can't just simply choose. It will just happen without you realising it. How terrible.

It is happening to me now. I'm sad. Sad as hell. The thought of I am going to miss my friends is unbearable.

I have to let go.That is the best thing for me. Hopefully I can.

"I hope I can let you go..
I hope I can throw my feelings away..
I hope that I don't have to think of you
I hope that I don't have to miss you
Ever again.

But I know I can never do that in just a day
Maybe a week? A month? A year?
I will never know
Nobody knows
Wish you'd understand
How deep it is
How true it is
The things I have for you
The things I would give to you

Letting go
Is what I need to do
Though I'm dying to hear you
Though I'm dying to see you
I know that i can never
Never do what I want to
Hope you'll stay the same
Because that what makes you, you..
I Love You."

By Adi Luqman

Took My Heart Away

I don't know where I am. I don't know what I feel. I'm lost in my own world. So many things has been going on. My heart is broken. My soul is ill. But it's recovering. These past few days has been somewhat heaven and hell for me. Aku hilang sesuatu yang pernah aku sayang. Rasanya amat memedihkan. Tapi takdir penentu segala. I just have to accept how it is. But I gain something else. Something I have never expected before. I'm not sure. I'm not sure how can I handle all this. I'm not strong to face it. Aku tak pasti apa yang aku rasakan .Makin aku cuba untuk melupakan, makin ia datang mengganggu. Tidak pernah aku luahkan apa yang aku rasa.Tidak pernah aku nyatakan hasrat hatiku. Tapi aku lakukan juga. Though I have already expected the words I have just heard , I'm glad to know that I actually did it. Deep down inside, it hurts me. I have never felt so sure about something like this, till I have the courage to say it. Wish I could I have you, coz I really want you, but I know I can't. I'm starting to miss you.

God knows how I feel.

It's All Over

" I bet you are happy to see me and **** like this. Allah as my witness, I will never forgive you for what you've done. Not in this lifetime. This hatred I have for you is death bound "

I got this message from someone. It's all over. Thank you for everything. Goodbye my friend.