Sepi

SEPI
Yuni Shara
OST Sepi (2008)

Sepi hati terjadi lagi
Mungkin sampai mati
Aku sepi
Biar senyum hadir di hariku
Namun ini hanya
Ada di bibir
Di bibir saja

Aku ini yang bisa mengerti
Walaupun yang lain mau mengerti
Namun berat beban di hidupku
Biarkan saja
Biar saja hanya ku yang tahu

Sejarah cinta dan hidupku
Penuh duri dan banyak ranjau
Butuh kesabaran yang penuh
Untuk tetap kuberdiri
Oh! ada saatnya kubicara
Bila hatiku t'lah bulat
Sepanjang kubisa atasi semua
Aku tetap diam

Lirik lagu ni memang sangat touching. I love this song so very much. It relates to me in so many ways. It’s about loneliness and how hard to cope with it when you are in that situation. I have been through it and still going through it.

I just came back from KLCC. I have been wanting to watch this movie ever since I heard about it. Directed by Kabir Bhatia, pengarah dan juga penulis bersama filem Cinta yang memang tersangat best. Based on early reviews yang I baca, ada yang kata filem Cinta lebih baik dan ada juga yang lebih menyukai filem Sepi berbanding dengan Cinta.

Obviously I expect something more than Cinta from Kabir. Something bigger. I love Kabir’s works in terms of cinematography. Shot-shot kamera yang dia ambil for Cinta sangat hebat. Jarang ada dalam filem-filem melayu yang biasa. Kabir is a brilliant director. I don’t know how to explain it but dia tahu macam mana nak buat penonton merasai apa yang ditonton dan mempengaruhi perasaan penonton dengan shot-shot yang indah dan lagu-lagu yang mampu menyentap emosi.

But after watching it, Sepi tidaklah seperti apa yang I expect. It’s not bigger.It is more simple. Sepi adalah sebuah filem yang sangat simple dari segi storyline. Senang faham. Tetapi masih berat dari segi maksud cerita-cerita yang ada dalam filem itu.

Sepi combines 3 stories in one movie. Kisah tentang Adam (Afdlin Shauki), Sufi (Tony Eusoff) dan Imaan (Baizura Kahar). Memang betul kata Ajami, Sepi reminds me of filem Berbagi Suami. It’s similar dari segi penceritaan. Ketiga-tiga story dalam Sepi berkaitan antara satu dengan yang lain.

I suka dengan ketiga-tiga cerita yang disampaikan. Ketiga-tiganya punyai mesej yang tersendiri dan dilakonkan oleh brilliant actors. For me, the best character in this movie is Suzy, played by Nasha Aziz. She was really good. I’m impressed with her acting. It seems effortless and so natural. Props to her. Kabir and his team know how to pick the actors. Semuanya kena. Afdlin was great. Even Baizura pun bagus. Eja tak paying cakap lah. Tengok dia menangis pun kita dah boleh sebak. Air mata meleleh-leleh macam air paip.

But to me, personally, I love Sufi’s story. Though it seems unreal sebab Marya (Eja) is married, and Sufi still wants her and he sanggup tunggu for her. I know how it feels to wait for the one you love. It hurts. Macam lagu Seribu Tahun (Imran Ajmain). Kisah Baizura pun best sebab dia masih tak dapat merelakan pemergian Khalil (Pierre Andre) sampai terbawa-bawa dalam kehidupan seharian. I love the part when Ean (Syen Hussein) said to Imaan yang in a coma, “Just go”. It was so touching. I don’t know how many times I cried while watching this movie. Bukanlah menangis bagai nak rak kan, just terasa apa yang diceritakan so airmata pun adalah meleleh jugak. I think during Sufi’s and Imaan’s stories.

It will be nicer kalau Kabir dapat extend kisah Suzy sebab charater dia sangat gila-gila and funny. I want to know how she really feels bila dapat tahu yang Adam tak cintakan dia.

Overall cerita ni memang best dan lain daripada filem melayu yang biasa. So to those yang tak tengok lagi movie ni, go and watch it. It’s so far, the best movie of the year.

Bisikku pada bulan
Kembalikan temanku
Kekasihku, syurgaku

Tanpa dia malam menemaniku
Sepi memelukku

Bulan jangan biar siang biar alam ini kelam
Biar ia sepi sepertiku

www.sepithemovie.com

p/s: memang I tengah sepi. So this song will be my theme song for the moment. I'm fighting it. I don't know how am I feeling actually, it is just so complicated. Am I gonna be like Sufi for the rest of my life? Or should be like Adam? But at least Adam gets what he wants eventually. I have never..

KL FEST

I’m so tired. I’m so tired waking up in the morning (morning ke?) feeling all exhausted. Tonight will be the first show out of two that we (the National Choir team) are going to do. Last night full dress rehearsal was a major disaster.

I hate dealing (indirectly) with fucked up event organizers. The organizer of this particular event (the launching of Kuala Lumpur Festival 2008) is so stupid. Why? Here’s why:

1. Why the hell do you want to do an event launching in front of KLCC’s fountain? Do you know how small the area is? How congested it’s gonna be? Okay, fine, maybe you want to get as much attention as you can.

2. The stage is so fucking small yet they want to put hundreds of people on it. What the fuck?

3. I hate last minute changes. It’s freaking annoying when we had to do last minute changes. I know, I know it’s normal to do all that but please, no wonder lah takkan pernah dapat buat perfect show sebab banyak sangat idea idea ‘bernas’ dan ‘brilliant’ last last minute. Lepas tu expect others to follow. Tahu tak betapa penatnya mengikut arahan-arahan yang best tu? Lepas tu complaint we all perform tanpa energy. Are you freaking kidding me?

4. Stop membebel can you?(to theperson who has been membebel since forever). You voice annoys me. Like BIG TIME!

5. Who wears a coat/blazer while dancing? Kalau cantik takpe lah jugak. Luckilly the idea of wearing the blazer sudah di scrapped off. So we just have to wear the shirt. Yes, that freaking big shirt yang I hanya akan pakai sekiranya berat badan I naik dr 45 kg ke 70 kg!

6. Stop telling us we Nampak macam tak enjoy performing and dipaksa-paksa. Well, somehow we memang dipaksa-paksa pun kan. Buat itu, buat ini, gosh! A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G!

Biasalah. Government shows. Datuk sana datuk sini yang jadi pengarah untuk the event. Whatever!

Sigh.

I tried my very best to keep the positive energy by smiling and thinking about good stuffs. Luckilly I don’t have that much pressure feeling nervous performing in front a large audience (that is because I’m doing it with a group, so their attention will not be on me alone). I just want this freaking thing to end. I can’t wait for it though I know I will have to go through another week of you know what!

Talking about next week, unfortunately I won’t be able to join my Zianafolks friends pergi expedition ke Gua Tempurung though I memang BERHARAP sangat dapat pergi. I’m not a nature guy. Tak suka pergi hutan-hutan neh, panjat sana sini but bila I dah ada rasa dan mood dan keinginan untuk mecuba, masa pulak tak mengizinkan. Why? Why? Geram sangat. Especially bila membayangkan betapa seronoknya mereka mereka semua tu buat ekpedisi together. Arghh!!!

But as a professional, I have to be committed. I’m working so I have to have responsibilities terhadap kerja yang telah diberikan (I sounded so lame!). But still, do you know how I feel? Arghhh!!! Nak ikut!!!

Today, I am supposed to be in KLCC at 4. How amazing is that! Bukannya kena make up segala tapi still kena datang pukul 4. Nak buat latihan lagi lah tu kan sebab baaaaannnnnyyyyyaaaakkkkk sangat last minute changes! You all yang buat changes we all yang terseksa jiwa raga. Bayaran obviously lah ciput kan. Government, mesti punya!Lpeas tu dapat lagi 2-3 bulan kan? Mesti punya. Kalau sorang dibayar 3000, you all nak suruh I practice sampai pukul 2 pagi I sanggup. Janji bank I bertambah 3000. Berangan!

I’m not THAT pissed actually. Just that geram with everything. I’m tired, pastu not really well , and then kena buat show bangang malam neh, lepas tu tak dapat join the happening people next week etc etc. Sigh.

I thought off taking pictures last night tapi tak kuasa nak click sana sini. Malam ni jelah. Tu pun kalau ada mood. And someone is making me feeling all miserable.

p/s: Adi Luqman, you are so stupid for letting others to invade your mind. Don’t make the same mistake again!

Sepi

SEPI

Lepaskan
Diriku ini jauh pergi
Jangan kau
Cuba tuk mencariku lagi
Derita yang kau cipta
Tiada terperi
Sakitnya dalam hati

Puisi
Indah darimu aku benci
Tak bisa
Untuk ku dengarinya lagi
Kau lukai jiwaku
Ku luka hatiku
Cukuplah sekali

Kau mendustai diri ini dengan dia
Kau membuat diri ini tak punya cinta
Mengapa harus begini
Kisah hidupku tak pernah lepas dari
Sepi

Cerita
Cintaku ini penuh duri
Tak daya
Untukku mengharungi lagi
Relakan segalanya
Biarku sendiri jalani
Sepi

...............

This is my 3rd original malay composition. Cerita lagu ini mengisahkan tentang seseorang yang telah didustai oleh kekasihnya. So cliché kan? But the song has its own meaning.

Why sepi? Because the main character in the song sentiasa sepi. Apabila cinta ditemui, sepinya hilang namun hatinya dilukai, maka sepilah lagi.

This song has been inspired by a story. A story told by a friend of mine about his past love. Yes, lagu ini juga di inspirasikan dari filem Sepi dan lagu tema filem itu, nyanyian Yuni Shara yang juga menggunakan tajuk yang sama. But the feeling of this song (my song) is more to frustration, disappointment selepas ditipu kekasih.

I will try to record the song as soon as I found the time to do it. Lagu English yang sebelum ini pun masih tak dapat I record lagi. Couldn’t find the right time. Been very busy with choir practices.
Tonight will be the full dress rehearsals of our performance for tomorrow night’s event. I hate dress rehearsals because you will have to act as if you are performing for the real thing and you’d have to wear the costume. I tried the costume last night and it sucks. The blazer is awful and the shirt is downright ugly. I wish I could just throw those things away. Major fashion crime! Another thing, How can we dance sambil pakai blazer yang buruk nak mamp*s tu? Ahh…craziness!

Anyway, I just can’t wait untuk habiskan this whole thing. Yeah! Memang busy gila sampai I sakit sakit. Luckilly semua orang sangat best dan fun. Tak sabar nak pergi Perhentian for my vacay. I want to rest and enjoy myself.

p/s: Tak sabar nak tengok filem Sepi. I think I wanna watch it this Sunday. With? Hmmm ..hahaha

Dia

I just woke up. I’m not well. I have been coughing for days. I ada sore throat sikit.

I just changed my layout again. This time, I want it to be clean.

On Tuesday night, my car (my car?) wasn’t available for me to guna untuk pergi choir practice. So I had to tumpang of my colleagues. She said she can drop me dekat Istana Budaya. I was so glad because nak jalan kaki dari star lrt titiwangsa station ke Istana Budaya boleh membuatkan satu badan basah dengan peluh yang melekit-lekit. So I tak sanggup nak buat tu lagi. Lagipun takkan ada teksi yang baik hati nak hantar pergi ke IB dari sana. I hate cabs! Mereka tu bukan public transport pun. Menyusahkan aje!

Back to my story.

So lepas habis practice, I asked a favor from my choir mates to drop me off dekat lrt titiwangsa. And she did. So kind of her. It was 11 something at night. I was seriously tired. Tengah dekat station tu, orang tak berapa ramai. When I was enjoying the city scenery at night, suddenly teringat dekat dia. Yes, dia.

Because pernah sekali dia dropkan I dekat Titiwangsa station lepas hang out sesame. I still remember, it was raining at that time. Then dia message cakap kalau boleh dia tak mahu I balik lagi. Good ol’ days. Memories that I kept inside, still fresh macam baru berlaku semalam (so cliché!) walaupun dah 2 tahun berlalu.

Wow, 2 years!

That day I ternampak video dia dekat youtube. Funny though. Masa tulah start teringat dekat dia. Damnation!

Now, I memang dah tak fikir pasal dia. Sekali sekala je bila buat benda atau pergi ke sesuatu tempat yang I pernah buat dan pergi dengan dia. And bila orang-orang lain tanya pasal dia, I cakap saje I tak tau (memang tak tau ape ape pun).

Cuma lately neh asyik pulak teringat dekat dia. Maybe there is someone yang I kenal yang reminds me of dia. Walaupun perangai mungkin berbeza but ada something yang buatkan teringat dekat dia bila I dengan that someone. Sigh!

It’s okay. Abaikan.

Thank You

It has been more than a week since I last posted anything. Walaupun I know that my blog tak ramai pembaca macam sesetengah blog yang lain tu, but this is where I mostly cerita about my life.

I’ve been busy with my choir rehearsals. Memang penat sangat. Luckily for the upcoming shows, we just need to sing 2 songs. One for the opening of Kuala Lumpur Music Festival in KLCC on the 28th June (this Saturday) and one more for the closing on the 6th July. We’re going to perform with the National Symphony Orchestra on that night. It’s gonna be a 30 minutes performance.

Apa yang menyebabkan I terasa penat sebab untuk opening performance tu, allof us have to dance. Yes, dance. Macam student AF tu. Ada choreography bagai. Memang sangat interesting and best but penatnye, god knows!

Dalam pada masa yang sama, still ada macam-macam benda yang jadi. The past week has been quite interesting for me. Juanita is pissed dekat Octavio sebab Octavio buat hal sikit. I memang dah tak kisah sangat pasal Octavio tu sebab he’s so different now. I mean, he’s so typical. I’m trying to not get involve too much with him. I believe it’s over.

I think I need to change my blog layout again. I’m getting bored with it. And it looks so sad to me. I have nothing to be sad now. I just want to enjoy my time doing good stuffs. I had a long talk with a friend of mine the other night. Never thought I would be telling him all the things I have told, but I felt better. I don’t know what he thinks about me. Never mind.

My mind has been occupied with many things lately. One of it was Alejandro. Well, still is I think but I’m getting used to the fact that I’m not gonna make anything happen due to the certain personal reasons. Yes, I am the one who is not going to make anything happen.

People might think I’m easy to be influenced and stuff. I may be. But I’m still holding on to my dignity and believing in it. I’m not bragging or anything like that. Although people tells you to just make use of your youth and have fun with it, but I don’t think I am like that. I have done mistakes in the past and I’m trying not to do it anymore. It’s hard to contain the feelings of wanting to be free and do anything you like but as a human being, as manusia, you have to know your roots. Remember where you came from and remember where you would end.

I’m not promising I’ll be good forever because I might break my own promise, but I will try my very best to stay true to myself and be good to others especially to my loved ones.

Judge me as much as you can. Praise me as much as you want. Hate me as long as you feel like it. Love me as much as you can. Thank you, that’s all I could say.

I Need A Miracle

I’m not sure what I am feeling. As usual, I’m confused. Seriously I am.

I think I am the most confused human being in the whole wide world. I’m not ashamed for being who I am right now. It’s something that I can’t avoid. It’s my inner feeling and it has always been there for years. Not that I am happy with it, but I can’t do much about it. Maybe some people might say that I can get rid of it but they might not feel all the things that I am feeling. So, they don’t really know how the feelings are. If they were to be in my shoes, can they handle it? I doubt so.

There’re no words could describe my true feelings at the moment. After such a long time I have been flying under the radar, taking some time off the world, I felt so different. It was like I just committed a huge sin. But I didn’t do anything bad at all. Maybe small tiny little lies that I said just for the sake of not creating any problems. But I believe, lies are still lies. They are still wrong in every way. There’s not such thing as white lie, kan?

I’m not judging anyone. I don’t want to judge anyone. I want to be equal to everyone that I know. Whether they are normal or not, they deserve to be treated equally. But, here’s the thing, am I making the right decision to be involve with them? Ada ke yes or no answer for my question? I don’t know. It all comes back to my first statement. I don’t judge people. Who am I to judge them?

But sometimes I feel that I don’t fit in their world. It’s too much of a fantasy to me. So unreal, so fake and so full of hypocrites. Well, in any world, there are still hypocrites everywhere. Do they really know what they are doing? What world they are living in? Is it going to be forever? Is they are going to be happy doing the things that they have been doing?

I need to ask myself too. Is it worth a lifetime? God gave us only one chance to live. Only one.

My mind is spinning. I want to be the person that I wish I could be but I still have people that I love. I don’t want to hurt their feelings. Their feelings are important. It would haunt me sometimes. But, sigh..I’m so confused.

Which I’d rather do?

Hurting their feelings so that I could have what I want to have? OR
Hurting my feelings so that they could be happy?

But either way, it will still be the same.

Do I need to live in suffer for the rest of my life?

Sometimes I wish I’m not here, in this world. Sometimes I wish I don’t have to be this deep and emotional. Sometimes I wish I could just be free.

So many things are stopping me to break free.

I’m still in this room. In this white empty room. Doors are everywhere. But which should I choose? I’m stuck in this room. I need a miracle.

Miracle.

Not Good Enough

I've been hurt, I've been lied to, I've been fooled.

There's still a long way for me to go, but I ain't gonna let the same thing to happen again. The past has taught me a lot.

This is my second original english composition. The first one was quite stupid but this one is something. I wrote this song for somebody. So, I am dedicating this song to him.

In life we have our own destination to be reached. But the important thing is not the destination, but the journey that we are going to take.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH
By Adi Luqman

I thought you’re different
But you’re just the same
I thought you’re something
But you’re freaking nothing
O why is this happening?
O why? I am asking you
To give me an answer

Because of you my friend
My heart is hurting again
Am I not good enough to you?
Am I not good enough for you?
Because of you my friend
My heart is breaking again
Am I not good enough to you?
Am I not good enough for you?

I thought we’ll be good
But we’re not gonna (no!)
I ain’t got nothing more to say
But I just wanna tell you
How mad I am
Is this how it’s gonna end?

Because of you my friend
My heart is hurting again
Am I not good enough to you?
Am I not good enough for you?
Because of you my friend
My heart is breaking again
Am I not good enough to you?
Am I not good enough for you?

Listen to me
I ain’t dumb for you to fool
I got pride I keep my cool
Heart is fragile
ain’t gonna break no more

Out!

P Ramlee The Musical

Last Saturday, I got the chance to watch the most talked musical show in town, P. Ramlee the Musical. A friend of mine memang baik gile belanja I tengok show tu dekat Istana Budaya. Thank you mate. Appreciate it show much. I memang teringin actually nak tengok show tu, just that I didn’t get the chance before this.

My friend chose the 3 o clock show. We arrived there on time. The show started at 3.15 pm.

I can sum the show up in one word. AMAZING!

Okay, here’s my review :

THE SET
The set was breathtakingly beautiful. I was amazed by the set. Especially set masa dekat dalam ruang tamu rumah P.Ramlee. It was so beautiful. I would say the sets are better than Puteri Gunung Ledang’s (The Musical).

THE STORY
There were some draggy and boring parts. But it was brilliantly covered by the actors and lagu lagu yang sedap. I won’t say the storyline was superb sebab I rasa macam ada moments yang betul-betul boleh menyentap emosi macam ditarik balik. How do I explain it? Hmm..it was like a yoyo. But It was still good though. There were few scenes yang masih lagi melekat in my mind. First, yang masa Musly nyanyi lagu ‘Hujan Di Tengahari’, selepas watak P.Ramlee bercerai dengan Junaidah. Second one, scene pergaduhan antara Norizan(Melissa Saila) dengan P. Ramlee(Musly). That particular was so intense, even I sendiri could feel them . It was THAT good. The third one was when after P.Ramlee bercerai dengan Norizan.Rasa-rasanya dia menyanyikan lagu Jeritan Batinku (terkesima sangat dengan keberkesanan scene sebelumnya sampai lupa lagu apa yang dia nyanyi). Rasa macam I was watching Dreamgirls. Masa Jennifer Hudson nyanyi lagi ‘And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going’. And the last one yang I suka adalah right after P.Ramlee nyanyi lagu Jeritan Batinku itu, the stage macam split kepada 2 bahagian. Bahagian atas, P.Ramlee tengah bersedih (kepala letak atas meja tu, frust tak ingat!), dan di bahagian bawah, Saloma (Liza Hanim) tengah menyayi lagu yang sangat sedap tapi I don’t know what’s the title of the song. Those were the acts yang I betul betul suka. It was like watching an international show.

THE SONGS
I like almost all of the songs! The new compositions were fantastic. Liza Hanim was superby amazing. Her voice buat I rasa melayang. I love her voice. Atilia was really good too. My perception towards her talent jadi berubah lepas dengar dia menyanyikan lagu-lagu dalam show tu dengan sungguh bagus sekali. I love her voice. Emelda, better known as an actress, did deliver her song fantastically. Props to her. She was gorgeous and I belive her portrayal as Azizah is much more better than Siti Nurhaliza (though Siti has way much better voice). But Emelda’s was really sweet. Good choice. Personailiti Emelda lebih kena dengan isi lagu Azizah; Rupa kamu yang cantik/Mata kamu yang bulat. Perfect!

THE CAST
Perfect! That’s all I could say. Musly was really good. Liza Hanim was great. Melissa Saila was flawless. I don’t anything else to say about the actor. Each one of them delivered. Brilliant!

So to those yang masih belum tengok show ni, kalau anda peminat musical show, this one memang kena tengok. Congratulations to the production team. Tiara has just showed to world that Malaysia Truly Boleh!

Coolness! A perfect 5 stars

Not Ready To Make Nice

NOT READY TO MAKE NICE
Dixie Chicks

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting

I'm through with doubt
There's nothing left for me to figure out
I've paid a price
And I'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can't you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don't mind sayin'
It's a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Sayin' that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting

Whenever I'm frustrated with anything, whenever I'm mad with anyone, this would be my song. And this is my song for now. It has all the anger, all the frustrations, all the disappointments, delivered in a very fantastic way.

I'm still mad. Memang macam remeh, kecil, tak penting, but still, why?

Guess you're not THAT different. In fact, you are exactly the same!

The Wrong Way

I don’t know why I’m feeling so miserable. I don’t like what I’m feeling and I feel like smacking or punching something.

I’m a kind of person yang tak suka melayan ego I. I akan kawal ego I sebaik mana I mampu sebab I don’t like my keegoan to control me. Sebab kalau ego tu terlalu tinggi dalam diri seseorang, terutamanya lelaki, it will ruin yourself.

You would always think that you won’t commit anything wrong, and you’ll be selfish, you’ll be arrogant and full of pride and you’d never admit that you are wrong. I don’t want to be any of that. I’m not saying I am a good person, or I’m perfect (coz nobody is) but I just don’t wanna be seen as someone yang ada semua tu sebab I benci mereka-meraka yang ada semua tu.

How would you react if you rasa diri you telah somehow diperbodohkan? Especially oleh orang yang you rasa you’re comfortable with. Someone that you trust. How’d you feel? Imagine that. You ikhlas untuk mengenali, mendekati dan mempercayai, tapi ended up you tahu yang you macam dipermainkan.

That is when ego I telah diusik. Dan I paling tak suka bila orang mengusik ego I. Provoke it. Because I tak suka my feeling at that time dan I tak suka dengan the situation. It makes me feel stupid, low and desperate.

I have few principles in life, dan one of it is, I don’t mind if you want to lie to me, or want to hide anything from me. I wouldn’t mind at all. It’s up to you to do that. You can do as many times as you like. You nak tipu pasal benda kecil ke, atau besar ke, apa ke, terpulang. BUT, jangan sampai SEKALI KALI I dapat tahu the truth, because ONCE I know the real thing, the real truth, and I tahu yang you were hiding or lying it to me all this while,(lebih lebih lagi kalau my trust dekat you dah kuat, dan I mula untuk berasa selasa dengan you) memang dalam sekelip mata la perasaan I boleh berubah.

I’m over reacting. YES! I’m entitled to. Because, I ikhlas melakukan sesuatu. Susah sangat ke untuk jujur dengan I? All the good things yang I dah buat, tak sikit pun I mintak balasan, CUMA I nak kejujuran. That’s all. You don’t have to tell me EVERYTHING, but please don’t act like you know nothing.

Sudahlah I have put up with all the act and I sendiri terpaksa mengawal keadaan, sampai terpaksa untuk menjadi pretender hanya semata-mata tidak mahu sebarang masalah timbul, ini yang I dapat? Rasa diperbodohkan. Ish. Only god knows how I’m feeling. I feel so dumb.

Why? Am I not good enough for you? Or am I being too good to you? Me being good, scares the hell out of you?

I have never once tried to ruin what you have, because I know I am not that kind of person. Mungkin pernah terlintas dalam fikiran I untuk just jadi super bitch, but I tahu mana tempat I dan I don’t want to lose anyone anymore. Cukup lah I pernah kehilangan someone yang I sayang, I don’t want the same thing to happen again.

Sigh, dah tawar hati untuk percaya kat siapa siapa lagi. Penat dah get involve dalam semua ini. Saying goodbye is the last thing I would do, but if my heart is constantly being hurt, being ripped off by the people that I love and care, I don’t know if I’d have any other choice or not.

I’m not asking much, but please, don’t ever do this kind of thing to me again. Keeping the truth as a secret so that others could be happy is hard enough for me. I’m tired playing these games. I feel unappreciated, as a person, as a friend.

I’m so sleepy. And so frustrated, so disappointed.

You’re slowly coming out of you shell. Wish I could just throw you back to the sea but I can’t. I’ve known you for some time and I have always waited for you to show me your true self. You did, but in a wrong way. Just, the wrong way.

Taking Chances

TAKING CHANCES
Celine Dion

Don't know much about your life.
Don't know much about your world, but
Don't want to be alone tonight
On this planet they call earth.

You don't know about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it's not meant to last,

But what do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

I just want to start again,
And maybe you could show me how to try,
And maybe you could take me in,
Somewhere underneath your skin?

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

And I had my heart beaten down,
But I always come back for more, yeah.
There’s nothing like love to pull you up,
When you’re laying down on the floor there.
So talk to me, talk to me,
Like lovers do.
Yeah walk with me, walk with me,
Like lovers do,
Like lovers do.

I'm dedicating this to a soul.

Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking, Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making.

Leanne Womack

Should I take the chance? Are there actually any chances for me?

Or should I just, let it go. Something I always got to do. Let it fly like a pretty butterfly. And hoping it would come back to me even though I know, it will never going to happen.

*wonders*

The Petrol Effect

Last night was a disaster. Our government went crazy. Earlier in the evening, they announced the new price of the petrol. A shocking 40% increase from the current price. And they went crazier by announcing that the new price will be effective, right after 12 midnight! Semua orang jadi gila.

Semalam I ada latihan koir lagi. So supposedly, I have to be at the IB pukul 8 malam. I didn’t know that apa-apa masa I balik kerja. I thought it’s gonna be a normal day macam biasa. So I pun keluar rumah to go to IB at 7 something. And guess what? The traffic was super heavy, jalan jam macam heaven! Tension gila!

I sampai IB pukul 9 malam. Imagine that! IMAGINE!!!! Craziness I tell you. I’m not gonna say that the government is stupid for increasing the petrol price but they are definitely killing themselves. As a person who uses the public transport almost every single day, I couldn’t care less about the price hike. It’s not gonna give a me a huge impact. But to other people, I feel sorry for them somehow.

Anyway, I didn’t hear anything from Octavio yesterday. Somehow I didn’t feel anything. And I pun tak sibuk sibuk nak dengar anything. I have to get use to it. I occupied my mind with other things. It’s not that I’m neglecting the feeling; I just do not want to layan it. Kalau I layan, berjela-jela nanti.

I have a wish list. Yeah, my birthday lambat lagi, but I saja saja buat a wish list. Memang I wish I could these things. Just that I can’t afford to have it…yet. I don’t know when. Sedih! What are the things?

1. A car(tak jadi sebab petrol dah naik)

2. Macbook

(yes, memang smart!)

3. An Iphone


4. A digital camera

Itu jelah kot. The rest are still under consideration whether I want to put them in the list or not. Hopefully, by next year I could get some of the things.

Okay, enough with the wish list thingie.

Anyway, lately ni, I have been listening to a song. Weird though, because I used to somehow hate the song. But the song reminds me of someone. It reminds me of Angelo. Don’t know how dia sekarang. Nilah lagu yang I tengah suka sekarang ni.

TAK KU DUGA
Saiful & Misha Omar

Tak pernah ku duga satu saat jatuh cinta
Pada saat suramku menyapa di hatiku
Mungkinkah masih ada, oh cinta indah buatku
Sedangkan sepi menemaniku

Buanglah sepimu menjadi sekuntum rindu
Aku akan mengisi ruang hatimu kasih
Cinta ini buatmu
Hati ini buatmu
Di sini ada cinta buatmu

Ku cinta kamu, ku sayang kamu
Untuk selama-lamanya di hatiku

Menyayangimu…mencintaimu

Benarkah ini kasih
Kebahagiaan kita miliki
Oh….oh…

Pintaku padamu jujurlah oh ke akhirnya
Agar asmara kekal abadi dalam hati

Kekasih ku berjanji
Menemanimu nanti
Demi cinta indah ini kasih

Aku hanya mampu berdoa
Takdir ini buat kita

Menuju bahagia
Kita miliki cinta…

Kekasih ku berjanji
Menemanimu nanti

Demi cinta indah ini kasih

No. I’m getting sad now. Better stop. Gotta go. Out!

Pissed

I’m quite pissed with Malaysia Airlines, Maybank, my internet connection, my dad’s credit card, myself and few other things. Why? Here’s why.

As you may have been informed by me, I’m planning to go to Perhentian Island in July. I have decided to NOT take the bus to go there as it will take approximately 9 freaking hours to reach Kuala Besut jetty. I’m NOT a fan of express buses. To be honest, I’m afraid taking the bus. I dunno why, I just don’t like it. It’s not like a phobia or fear or anything like it, it is just that I don’t like to use it.

Okay, back to my story. So after few considerations and after checking the price offered by Malaysia Airlines and Air Asia, I decided to take MAS to fly from Kuala Lumpur International Airport to Kota Bharu Airport and I will be taking Air Asia to fly back to KL from there.

At first, the price offered online by MAS is RM0.00! What I need to pay is only the tax and etc. So the total amount is only RM85.00 per person. Isn’t that cheap? No. It’s FREAKING cheap! So yesterday masa kat office I dah try nak purchase, but I ada problem dengan my dad punya credit card (no, I don’t have a cc because I’m still under 21). Then I tried guna Maybank2u.com. Suddenly dia mintak TAC. That stupid number! So I pun masa nak balik rumah pergilah ambil that stupid number from the ATM machine.

Sampai dekat rumah dah 6.15 pm. And suddenly, I can’t use my internet, sebab connection macam hanjeng! Arghhh!! I waited for 30 minutes untuk dia connect. I ada practice last night, so I had to leave home as early as possible. Dalam pukul 7.15 baru connection okay but slow nak mampos! I tak boleh nak buat apa apa sebab I’m afraid I’d be late so I decided to purchase the tickets later at night.

The practice was okay by the way. It was cool. Syafinaz was great. The practice habis dalam nak dekat pukul 11 pm. I kena cari Maybank ATM again to get the TAC number.

Sampai dekat rumah almost 11.30 pm. I tried to access the websites, boleh.. but slow tahap sial. (Pardon my language guys. Refer to the first line of post earlier ti understand why).

So after dah isi all the particulars (dah happy sangat dah ni sebab in the end dapatlah nak purchase MAS and Air Asia online kan…KONON!) I pergilah dekat payment punya section. Okay, here comes the best part. MAS payment page, loading tak habis-habis. Lama gila! Air Asia punya was okay. They asked me to click the Maybank2u button to make the payment. I was quite happy.

Dengan happy-nya I clcked the button. Maybank2u page poped up but guess what? I can’t make the payment because the site was under scheduled maintenance! WTF!!!!!! (By the way, masa tu, MAS punya site tak finish load lagi. Imagine that!). Great-ness kan?

I dan mengantuk sangat-sangat and dah letih. So I threw everything away and bermimpi untuk purchase the ticket in the morning. I woke up this morning, MAS punya page still loading macam hanjeng. So I said to myself, buat dekat office.

The first thing I buat masa dah sampai office, try to purchase MAS tickets. To make things more interesting than it has been, the pricing has been changed. CHANGED! INCREASED! MORE EXPENSIVE! Arghhh! Just what I need to start my day!

Dengan rasa sedih, I terpaksa melupakan hasrat untuk menaiki MAS masa pergi Perhentian nanti. Now I terpaksa guna Air Asia yang agak bangang tu untuk pergi dan balik. Why? Why? I just wish I ada extra money to be wasted, so that I akan beli je ticket MAS tu. Damn! Benci semuanya!

Now I’m feeling slightly better sebab dah purchase all the tickets. I’ll be leaving on 13th July at 0730 from KL and will be coming back on the 15th July from KB. My flight is scheduled at 1500.

Begitulah my experience beli online tickets. Moral of the story….emm… entah?

I nak blame apa ek? I can’t blame anything kot. Maybe it is meant to be for me not to use MAS. Kesian kan? Just like it is meant to be for me to know Octavio, Juanita , Alejandro, and Paulina. Who is Alejandro? And who the hell is Paulina?

It’s a secret.

That’s all for now. I have to finish up my listings stuff. Damn it~

Blank

Octavio dah macam biasa balik. Well, I’m not expecting anything pun. Just take it as it is lah kan. What I did pun, I’m not hoping for anything in return.

I guess I’m slowly letting go of all the things. As long as nothing unusual jadi, I think everything will turn out to be good. Well, just wait and see what will happen when Octavio is gone. I know somehow that I’m going to miss Octavio. Just that I’m not sure how much will I miss Octavio. I believe it’s not wrong for me to feel that. Right?

Octavio is different from what I have seen before this. Maybe that’s why.

I’ll be going for my practice tonight. Tak study lagi pun lagu tu. Matilah!

Shoes, Shoes

Yesterday, as usual, I was feeling all bored, so I decided to go to KLCC. I didn’t plan to buy anything. But I ended up buying something.

I have a thing for shoes. I don’t know why, but I just love shoes. At the moment, I have 7 pairs of shoes. I’m not sure whether that’s a lot or not, but to me, it is. And I just added up one more in my shoe collection. So in total now, I have 8 pairs of lovely shoes.

Isetan ada and this particular shoe that I bought yesterday was on discount! Thank god! I’m a fan of white shoes and I’ve been looking for another white pair of shoes for quite some time and I found it yesterday. Yay!

*I dah edit the brand name. Haha!*

Nice ain’t it? And it’s comfortable too.

And here’s a pic of my shoes collection. Lalalala :P

I had my lunch (late one) at The Apartment Downtown. The food was really good. I had this Chicken & Mushroom Pasta. It was fantastic. I tak sempat nak ambil gambar sebelum makan, so I just got this pic, selepas makan. Haha.

*yes, I tak makan tomato*

After my lunch, I went to watch a movie called The Orphanage. It was excellent. Quite scary. I had to tutup muka few times. Haha!

And suddenly, ada benda buat I rasa tak selesa. Sangat! It was pretty annoying makes my jiwa go kacau for a while. Stoopid! It was like purposely done. Boooooo! Whatever. You think I’d be jealous?
(Emm…I was actually..damn!)

I don’t know lah. I thought I’m done with that business but I’m still dealing with it rupanya. How cruel that business is!

Dah la. Tak larat nak layan semua tu. Benci! Argh!