Dear Diary

Dear diary,

I woke up this morning feeling all, blue. I checked my phone for any messages but there were none. Disappointed. But I quickly pushed away the feelings so that I won't be in a bad mood for the entire day. I didn'r receive any messages from H yesterday. I did speak to him the night before. It was the same thing actually. He eventually sent me a message somewhere after midnight asking me whether I was sleeping or not. So I replied him and did ask him how was his day? He said he had a bad day. he told me his problems. I was quite worried. So, i was just trying to be good friend who listens, so after asking someone for advice, I decided to call him. It was very good to hear him. We spoke for about 12 minutes. I felt so relieved that I got to speak to him. After the conversation, I just sent him a message saying that I was glad to hear from him and hopefully everything will turn out better for him for the next day. But I didn't hear anything from him yesterday. I did send him an "afternoon" message and I sent another message asking how was everything, 10 hours later. Still, no reply. I didn't message again. I'm taking it positively. Maybe he was busy or didn't want to talk about it. I chatted with my friend. My friend asked me whether did I message H or not? I said I did. I asked him back, did H message him? He answered yes. Just a while ago. A goodnite message and few other messages, I think. Mmm. I didn't know what to feel. Probably I shouldn't feel anything bad, right? But it's easy to just say. So, I chose to just call it a day. I sent him one final message. A simple goodnight message without hoping for him to reply. Hopefully he is doing okay. Maybe it's a good thing after all.

As for today, I'm not going to send him anymore messages. Hopefully I can avoid myself from sending any message to him. I wanna enjoy my activity today. A small get together with my friends. Few of them are a leaving again soon. So I should take the chance to spend time with them.

Dear god, I know it's wrong for me to have this feeling.
Forgive me. But I miss him..