Demi Waktu

This is hard for me. I realised that I have have made so many mistakes. I have hurt so many hearts. Aku tatau apa lagi yang aku nak buat. I can't turn back the time. I am paying the price. If it's not meant to be for anything, then I guess I just have to leave. I am chasing after rainbows. And nobody else would do that thing. Coz you can never touch the rainbow.

I'm young and I'm a fool. So I am a foolish young man. How great. Here I go again. Talking crap about myself. Aku bukan cerita untuk mintak simpati. Aku bukan cerita nak buat orang kesian kat aku. But this is what I am going through. Aku sakitkan hati orang lain, so I guess I deserved to be hurt also.

Life is a karma. What goes around comes around. What goes up must come down. But the thing is, I have never been on top so I'm wondering, patut ke aku guna ayat tu untuk diri aku. Never mind.It's not important. You get what I mean. Earlier this evening, I receive an email from a dear friend of mine. I was really touched by his email. I wish I could be there with him.

I'm loving someone who can never love me back though I have someone who loves me. I have always cared for someone who doesn't even care about me though someone else is waiting for me. It has always been like that. Why? Never can I have the answer. You might say, "then just go for the one who loves you". True.Tapi memang cakap lebih senang daripada menjadikan sesuatu itu kenyataan. If you dig deep, you'll know why it is not easy. I don't know whether I will be online for this coming few days. Tengoklah camne.

I have always adored this song. But I never thought I will BE the song. Life is so unpredictable. Somebody used to tell me that life takes funny turns at times. And I guess it's true. He was right. He used to like this song too. Mmm. I am losing everyone now. Gosh. I'm tearing apart.

DEMI WAKTU

Aku yang tak pernah bisa lupakan dirinya
Yang kini hadir diantara kita
Namun ku juga takkan bisa menepis bayangmu
Yang slama ini temani hidupku

Maafkan aku menduakan cintamu
Berat rasa hatiku tinggalkan dirinya
Dan demi waktu yang bergilir di sampingmu
Maafkanlah diriku sepenuh hatimu
Seandainya bila ku bisa memilih

Kalau saja waktu itu ku tak jumpa dirinya
Mungkin semua tak kan seperti ini
Dirimu dan dirinya kini ada di hatiku
Membawa aku dalam kehancuran

A Plain One

I just got back from Low Yat Plaza. Quite tired at the moment. My dad asked me to bring his customer's CPU to one of his usual kedai there. Yesterday he told me to go early in the morning. I felt so malas. So I just kept quite while he was telling me everything with hopes that I don't have to go today. But then you know la me kan, I slept late last night. Around 3 something.

I woke up at 12 noon. Then my mom told me the kedai is ready for the CPU thingie. I was like, ahhh, malasnye nak pegi. But then I still HAVE to go. It's an order from his majesty. Haha. But I took my very own sweet time to get ready. Aku gerak dalam kol 3 lebih tadi. Sampai sana terus gi kedai tu and then cakap apa yang patut, the guy asked to walk around first coz it might take sometime for them to fix the CPU.

Dia cakap 30 minit. So I walked around the mall, packed with people. MAsuk kedai magazine, belek2 sekejap then beli CLEO. Yes, CLEO. Tak salah kan? Aku nak beli men's magazine rasa cam bosan je. Coz memang men's magazine sangat bosan yer. Like NEWMAN tu. Ape2 tah. Pastu tgk mag pompuan plak, sama je bosan. PAstu I wonder, atder ke magazine yang bebetul best? A mix of men's and women's magazine. Like seriously good one. Tader? Rase cam nak publish plak.

Imagine a magazine, yang dia punya style adalah gabungan, VOGUE + SEVENTEEN + GQ + CLEO + LIME ? Macam best je aku rasa. Very classy tapi sangat hip and happening. Rasanya best kot. Anyway, cover CLEO for this month adalah Mandy Moore. At first I thought she was Tata "old-hag" Young ( Sorry Tata fans!). Nasib baik bukan dia coz I just hate Tata.

I bought the mag sebab ada certain articles yang agak menarik jugak untuk dibaca. Biaselah boring2 kat rumah. Lepas dah siap, I headed home terus. Malas nak singgah mana2. So here I am. Writing this thing.

Anyway, dia cakap dia nak turun KL today. Because esok dia ada job interview. Good to know that. But I did something unnecessary tadi. Dia cakap kat aku yang dia nak turun. Dia tak sure kawan dia ada kat umah ke tak. Sebab dia tumpang umah kawan dia, iaitu kawan aku gak. So aku msg la kawan aku tanya keje kol bape. Lepas kawan aku jawab, kawan aku tanya nape. Pastu dia call aku. Dan aku pun tercakap kat dia yang budak tu nak turun.

Patutnya aku takyah cakap. Budak tu pun cakap dia lupa nak kasitau aku jangan kasitau kawan die tu.Nak buat surprise la kot. Adoi. Aku rase bersalah sangat. I should have not asked and said anything. Jadi penyibuk sangat. Tapi aku tanya pun atas niat nak tahu dan nak tolong. Tapi tersasar sket.

Ni aku pun tatau dia jadi turun ke tak. Dia tak kasitau pe pe pun. Mm. Tapelah. Harap dia okay jek. Walaupun terasa macam nak sangat jumpa dia, tapi tapelah. Tak naklah jadi penyibuk sangat. Kalau dapat jumpa, dapatla. Kalau tak, nak wat cane kan. Dah la. dah penat plak rase. Nak rest je jap gi. That's all folks. Chow

Another Saturday

Bangun pagi ni memang aku rasa bosan macam biasa je la. Phone skang ni sealu je off. So bangun2 first thing yang kena buat adalah check phone. Check for any messages. None. Huhu. Never mind. Pastu terus layan tenet jap. Tengok2 apa yang patut. Baca gossip sana sini. Pastu kuar gi depan tengok my parents tengah breakfast. Kol 11 tu breakfast. Join la skali. Ada sosej segala. Makan ngan telur goreng and baked beans along with fresh orange juice. Besh2! Pastu sakat adik aku jap. Cam biasa. Bosan tader keje, sakat la budak kecik tu. Arini tader plan pe pe pun sebenarnya melainkan daripada jemputan makan-makan kat rumah Audrey, choir conductor untuk VI tahun nih.


So nanti dalam kol 5.30 baru aku kuar g LRT Cheras sebab Audrey cakap akan amik aku kat situ. Yela, aku weekend2 nih mana de transport. Skang ni aku tengah tatau nak buat pe. Tadi tengok Ugly Betty. Layan la mende tu jap. Memang best. Aku ade je koleksi for the first season. gigih tau download kat torrent masa tengah tayang kat US masa tu. Anyway, aku dah rasa lapar balik ni tapi tatau nak makan pe. Of course la mak aku tak masak, coz dorang dah kuar gi mane tah aku pun tatau. Huhu. So now aku kena pikir, nak makan ke tak. Kalau nak makan aku kena masak. Masak tu yang lemah sket. Bukan aku tatau masak, tapi nak masak untuk sorang, malasnye. Now aku nak gi tengok cenel apa yang aku leh layan kat Astro tu. I'm damn bored. Chow!

Revamped, Renewed, Restarted

Semalam aku pergi tengok Harry Potter ngan Bro Ajami kat Times Square. Well, he invited me to watch a movie 2 hari lepas. memula, dia ingat nak ajak tengok Die Hard 4.0. I was okay at first but then teringat yang HP kuar this week, so why not tengok HP. Huhu. Lagipun I think HP is slightly better than DH4.0 kot? Huhu. So dia yang book and purchased the tickets online. Memula dia kata dia dapat kat Sunway Pyramid. I was like, whoa? Jauhnya. Camne aku nak pergi ek? Then he said dia dapat beli kat Times Square punya. Thank god. Hehe. At first I wanted to watch HP with my other friends, tapi tak nak plak la kacau dorang. Lagipun ada orang lain dah ajak aku tengok, so accept je la kan. The movie punya show was at 1.45 pm. Aku sepatutnya sampai pukul 1.00 pm sebab nak lunch segala. Aku yang cakap nak lunch. Tapi, biasalah, memandangkan aku kalau bersiap memang amik masa, terlewat la sikit smalam.


Aku sampai 20 minit lewat. Boleh? Kabut la gak sebab aku tak suke buat orang tunggu aku. Aku tunggu orang takpe. Berjam-jam aku penah tunggu orang before this. Tapelah. Janji orang tak tunggu aku. Tapi semalam tak leh elak plak. Sampai2 je aku call Bro Ajami. Kat Borders katanya. So aku masuklah Borders Level 1. Cari punya cari aku tak nampak plak batang hidung dia. Pelik. Pastu I received a call from him cakap dia kat pintu masuk. dia nampak aku dok menonong je masuk. Haha. Serious aku tak nampak dia. Rupa-rupanya dia dok kat entrace belakang tengah baca magazine CinemaOnline. Ahaks. So dah jumpe, salam segala, boraklah jap sementara tunggu movie tu nak start. Pastu gerak beli popcorn. I'm not a big fan of popcorns tapi aku makan je. Tapi memang jarang la aku beli popcorn bile nak tengok movie. Ntah, macam malas je nak mengunyah sambil tgk movie tu. Nak concentrate je. So pas masuk hall, kitaorang cari la our seats. Not bad la seat yang dia pilih. Very the center gituh. Ahaks. So sementara nak start movie tuh, borak lagik. lama gak borak. Cam 15 minit. Meletop kan iklan kat GSC? Aku rasa dah lama gile dok beborak, tak start2 gak movie nye. Seb baik borak best. Citer tu was great. I mean to me la. I don't know about others. Sebab aku baca early reviews dari orang lain, kata bosan la, tak best la, tu la, ni la.


Memula cam tawar hati gak nak gi tengok. But then biasala, lain orang lain opinion kan. As for me, aku memang tak baper nak ingat jalan citer dari buku. Sebab aku baca buku tu pun like last year. So dah ingat2 lupa. I guess it was a good thing. memang aku dah belajar dari francais HP nih. Jangan expect too much. Memang takkan puas la kalau kita nak movie ni jadi cam buku. Harusla kan. Buku tebal nak mampos, takkan nak buat movie tu 4-5 jam kot supaya leh masuk segala details. Huhu. cara penceritaan memang agak cepat la. Tapi aku tak kisah. Janji aku enjoy citer tuh. Imelda Staunton and Helena Bonham Carter stole the show man! Walaupun watak Bellatrix Lestrange tu kejap jer, tapi memang she berjaya hidupkan the character. Imelda as Umbridgre was super-fabulous. Aku benci watak tuh. Hahaha. Memang kejam da sangat "Ahkak Pink". Everything was pink. Dari baju ke bilik dia. Pink segala! Imelda is a great actress. Last skali aku tengok movie dia was "Nanny McPhee". Walaupun watak dia sampingan jer, but she was good.

So, how do I rate HP this time around? Between Goblet Of Fire or Order Of The Phoenix, aku tak tau nak pilih yang mana actually. Perhaps aku kena tengok balik GOF baru aku leh nak compare kot. But OOTP was fantastic. Maybe awal2 agak bosan sket, but towards the end aku dah leh feel dah. Special effects die memang best. Aku suke part battle at the end tu. Between Dumbledore and Lord Voldertmort (Bro tak tau sangat pasal Voldermort itu, jadi dia sebut orang ini..wakakaka. Don't shoot me! Not guilty!) Haha. The three main characters are all grown up. Fifth year la katakan. Harry was hot. Hermoine was double-hot. Like the hair. Ron? Errr...no comment. But or me, the hottest of them all is Luna Lovegood. I was so attracted to her character and the one who played the character. She was so, mysteriously attractive. Ala-ala pompuan saiko sket tapi saiko yang good one la. Her facial expressions were priceless. The way she potrayed her character, tatau la nak explain camner, but was very very good. Everytime kalau dia on screen, aku akan tengok kat dia walaupun Daniel I-am-gonna-smack-the-perfect-flawless-face Radcliffe was next to her.

Luna Lovegood


Daniel was smoking hot, but Evanna Lynch aka Luna Lovegood was hotter. Woo. The platinum blonde hair. Gosh. Huhu. The rest of the characters, were all okay. Aku suke Ministry Of Magic. Memang cantik. Cam shopping mall plak aku tengok. Aku patut nak rate the movie, lupa plak. So aku rate, mmm, 4 out 5 stars. Transformers yang aku tengok last 2 weeks, aku kasi 4 1/2. Tapi aku malas nak review Transformers. So tu jela kot aku leh review pasal HP. Aku ni bukan terer nak cakap pasal filmmaking. So aku takkan nak merepek meraban cakap pasal plot ke, ape ke. so lepas tengok movie tu, Bro nak lepak minum and makan. Lapar katanya. So lepak kat Starbucks. Dia pun nak online kat situ sambil bergossip sakan. So dah beli makan minum segala, lepak la kan. Kuarla segala gossip2 PnC. Meletop! Nama pun PnC kan so takleh la aku nak citer kat sini. Lepak lebih kurang 2 jam pastu, balik.


Tu jela activity aku semalam. Sampai umah biaselah, merehatkan diri, layan tenet, tengok sape online. Aku pun dah naik bosan dah asik layan tenet jer. Tapi tapelah. As long as aku ade activity nak buat, I can help myself to not think about bende2 yang tak patut. Smalam dia ade mesej gak. Okayla aku rasa. Aku pun dah macam tak larat la nak think about it too much. Dia pun busy kan. Kalau dia reply pendek2 tu maknenya, malas nak sms la. So aku pun malas nak continue. Nanti nampak cam aku paksa2 plak. Huhu. Tapelah, nak buat camne. I have just to accept whatever it is yang dia bleh bagi at the moment. I will try not to expect more than that. Sebab aku tau it will not benefit me. Lagi buat aku stress adalah. PAsal dia nih, aku pun tatau nak buat conclusion apa. Aku still tak puas hati lagi. Selagi aku tak puas hati aku takkan putus asa.


Aku bukan tak puas hati sebab we are not together, adalah mende lain yang aku tak puas. Selagi aku tak dapat tau apa yang aku nak tau, I will never give up. Coz I believe, kalau aku dapat apa yang aku nak, I will understand everything better and aku leh bantu diri aku sendiri. Aku jarang sayang2 orang neh, so bile aku sayang, aku sayang btol2. Tapi aku tak nak buat orang tu rasa tak selesa. So aku akan cuba sayang secara yang terbaik. Tapi, selalunya, bile aku sayang orang, orang tu tatau camne nak hargai aku balik. Aku bukan nak orang tu junjung aku ke ape, but I just want that person to appreciate me. That's all. Mmm, hopefully dia okay kat sana, Aku memang rindu dia. Tapi situasi buat aku terpaksa menahan everything. What can I do..mmm. Tu jela yang aku leh tulis ari ni. Anyway perasan tak aku nye posting agak lain? Well, this is how I'm going to write after this. That's why la title post aku kali ini camtu. So, that's all folks. Gudday!

p/s : Arini tak sms dia lagi. Mmm...

Goodbye My Friend

I just came back from KL Sentral. I went there to meet my friend for the last time before he goes back to Australia, to continue his studies there. I was supposed to meet him yesterday but then I was not really okay, so I rescheduled the meeting to today. I reached there at around 5.40 pm. I walked to the departure area, because he was there waiting for me. We decided to have drinks and some snacks at Strudels®. We had iced teas, brownies with vanilla ice cream and turkey sandwich. It was nice. We talked and walked around the place for a while after eating. After almost a couple of hours hanging around, he had to leave. I sent him to KLIA Express entrance. We hugged each other. At that particular of time, I realized that I'm actually going to miss him. My very good friend. Although honestly, we don't really have so much things in common, but I do appreciate and love him as my friend. We have been friends for almost 5 years. He has been very nice to me. His family too. I'll pray only the best for him. Hopefully he'll do better this time. Good luck to you my dearest friend. Thanks for everything. Goodbye :(

Me? I'm going to be here. Finding myself. Hoping something good will happen to me. On my way back home just now, I was kinda sad. Thinking about all the things that has happened for the past few month and especially, for the past few weeks. I cried, yet again, while driving. I don't know how many times I have cried for the past few months. Maybe I have became more sensitive than before. I don't know. Sigh. I'm pathetic right? Well, that's me.

GOODBYE MY FRIEND

Oh we never know where life will take us
I know it's just a ride on the wheel
And we never know when death will shake us
And we wonder how it will feel

So goodbye my friend
I know I'll never see you again
But the time together through all the years
Will take away these tears
It's okay now
Goodbye my friend

I've seen a lot things that make me crazy
And I guess I held on to you
We could've run away and left well maybe
But it wasn't time and we both knew

So goodbye my friend
I know I'll never see you again
But the love you gave me through all the years
Will take away these tears
I'm okay now
Goodbye my friend

Life's so fragile and love's so pure
We can't hold on but we try
We watch how quickly it disappears
And we never know why

But I'm okay now
Goodbye my friend
You can go now
Goodbye my friend

p/s : I haven't heard from the person for almost 2 days. No reply. Nothing. Gosh. I miss you :(.

Tika

Tika aku sendirian
Tika rindu menyapaku
Tika gelisah menyisir diriku

Kau nafasku yang ku hela..Cinta
Kau jiwa dan inspirasiku..Kasih
Demi tuhan engkau kucintai

Aku rindu sentuhanmu
Aku perlu bicaramu
Aku dahagakan belaian kasihmu
Andai engkau tahu isi hati
Peritnya cinta yang suci
Oh kasihku
Aku cinta kamu...

Lafaz kamamu terindah..Kata
Kau ilham segala asmara..Dewa
Hati luka yang kurelai

Aku rindu sentuhanmu
Aku perlu bicaramu
Aku dahagakan belaian kasihmu
Andai engkau tahu isi hati
Peritnya cinta yang suci
Oh kasihku
Aku cinta kamu...

That is basically how I feel at the moment. I am not lying. How I wish I don't have to go this whole thing.How I wish I could express my feelings without any hesitations. How I wish I could just show my love?
Only if the person knows how strong my love and how deep it is. The more I try to not think about it, the stronger it will be.

I miss you.

Dear Diary

Dear diary,

I woke up this morning feeling all, blue. I checked my phone for any messages but there were none. Disappointed. But I quickly pushed away the feelings so that I won't be in a bad mood for the entire day. I didn'r receive any messages from H yesterday. I did speak to him the night before. It was the same thing actually. He eventually sent me a message somewhere after midnight asking me whether I was sleeping or not. So I replied him and did ask him how was his day? He said he had a bad day. he told me his problems. I was quite worried. So, i was just trying to be good friend who listens, so after asking someone for advice, I decided to call him. It was very good to hear him. We spoke for about 12 minutes. I felt so relieved that I got to speak to him. After the conversation, I just sent him a message saying that I was glad to hear from him and hopefully everything will turn out better for him for the next day. But I didn't hear anything from him yesterday. I did send him an "afternoon" message and I sent another message asking how was everything, 10 hours later. Still, no reply. I didn't message again. I'm taking it positively. Maybe he was busy or didn't want to talk about it. I chatted with my friend. My friend asked me whether did I message H or not? I said I did. I asked him back, did H message him? He answered yes. Just a while ago. A goodnite message and few other messages, I think. Mmm. I didn't know what to feel. Probably I shouldn't feel anything bad, right? But it's easy to just say. So, I chose to just call it a day. I sent him one final message. A simple goodnight message without hoping for him to reply. Hopefully he is doing okay. Maybe it's a good thing after all.

As for today, I'm not going to send him anymore messages. Hopefully I can avoid myself from sending any message to him. I wanna enjoy my activity today. A small get together with my friends. Few of them are a leaving again soon. So I should take the chance to spend time with them.

Dear god, I know it's wrong for me to have this feeling.
Forgive me. But I miss him..

Seribu Tahun

Rela ku menunggumu
Seribu tahun lama lagi
Tapi benarkah hidup
Aku kan selama ini
Biar berputar utara selatan
Ku tak putus harapan
sedia setia

Rela ku mengejarmu
Seribu batu jauh lagi
Tapi benarkah kaki
Ku kan tahan sepanjang jalan ini
Biar membisu burung bersiulan
Tenanglah gelombang lautan
Ku masih setia

Adakah engkau yakin ini cinta
Adakah engkau pasti ini tuk selama-lamanya

Rela ku menunggumu
Seribu tahun lama lagi
Tapi bernarkah hidup
Aku kan selama ini
Biar berputar utara selatan
Ku tak putus harapan
sedia setia

Jangan putus harapan
Sedia setia...

Imran Ajmain
Dengan Secara Kebetulan