Andai

Andaikan diizinkan
Kuundur waktu
Akanku susun langkah
Akan kucorak warna
Tiada kelam

Namun apa daya
Andai ada pilihan
Ku ulang detik
Akan ku imbas saat kenangan silam
Kan ku hurai
Perasaan cinta

Kasih kembalikan
Sinar diri hidupku

Kesempatan kedua untukku pendam semula
Kebahagiaan
Sebuah harapan yang terlerai

Kasih rasailah
Kekesalanku

Kan beralih arah mengejar cinta sucimu

Andai takdir
Mengizinkan mengundurkan waktu
Andai ada pilihan
Ku ulang detik
Akan ku imbas saat kenangan silam
Kan kuhurai perasaan cinta

Kasih kembalikan
Sinar dihidupku
Kesempatan kedua untuk ku pendam semula
Kebahagian
Sebuah harapan yang telerai
Oohhh kasih rasailah
Kekal kesalan

Kan ku beralih arah mengejar cinta sucimu
Andai takdir mengizinkan
Ku mengundurkan waktu
Amy Mastura & Anuar Zain
OST Bintang Hati

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Would like to wish a very Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all muslims in the world. I hope this year's Raya will bring more meanings to my life . Hopefully, it will be a better year ahead. Thank you. Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

A Blessing In Disguise

People would always think, that life is being unfair when something bad happens to them. That life is not giving them the right thing that would satisfy their needs, without needing them to suffer, to cry or to fall down. But what if, suddenly they get the things that they have been wanting for so long, the things that that have been hoping for, the good things that they have been dying to own? Will they ever think that life is actually being fair to them? For once , maybe? A friend of mine just said to me, maybe, "it must've been a blessing in disguise today". I have been thinking about something that has been bothering me a lot for the past few days. I was afraid of its outcome if I decided to be tell the truth. I might hurt someone else's feelings or maybe my own too. But I kuatkan semangat, to make clear of things. I want to make things better. So it won't bother me anymore. I was so afraid of the reactions that I will be getting. I was so afraid I would lose someone yg I care for. When I wanted to start the conversation, I was stucked. I couldn't let the words out of my heart, my mind. Instead, I cried. Again. But it became better. I was given the chance to say all the things that I been wanting to tell. It was so different than what I have expected. Apparently, he has been thinking about the same things, and realised few things, which made me cry even more. Not because of disappointment, but rasa bersyukur. I didn't expect it to be that way. Only god knows how grateful, thankful I was. At that very moment, I realised that, at last I got to see , to know the other side of him, which I have never seen before, and it makes me feel better, and much more closer to him. We made everything clearer than before and it was like one huge burden telah hilang dari my heart. I thanked him so many times, of things we have agreed upon. At last.Thank you. You will always be in my heart. Thank you so very much. It has been, truly, a blessing in disguise...

Friday The 20th

Today was another normal day for me. Nothing special. Woke up this morning with a very bad feeling. The feeling that I have kept. The problem that I have been thinking about it over and over again. Could not decide what should I do. Haven't found the right choice. Or should I say, haven't thought of a way to solve this thing. I decided to listen to ipod on my way to college. My mood was a lil' bit off today. I listened to my fav song at the moment. A beautiful song called Harapan. The reason why I love the song is basically because of its lyrics and the melody. A moving one. It touches my heart badly. I don't know why, before this, I didn't cry when I listen to the song, but today it was slightly different. I listened to the song over and over again, and I couldn't help my tears from falling down. Sigh..After class, I terus balik. When I was on my way home, a friend of mine caled me, but I didn't get to answer his call because I was kina of busy at that time. So I replied his call, and we talked for quite some time. All of sudden, I told him about the thing that has been bothering me all this while. The thing that I did not talk about it with him before this. The thing that I have been keepiong to myself. The thing that I don't want to burden anyone with it. So i told him basicaly everything, and he said he was speechless and he tak tahu how to respond. It was okay with me, 'coz I wasn't expecting any reaction. He told me about the situation yg dia pernah lalui jugak and at that very moment, I broke down, once again. I don't know. I wasn't feeling really good these days. There are so many things on my mind right now. I just couldn't manage it very well. I really really hope I could get over this thing quickly. I don't want to be in this situation everyday. God...help me! I'm falling apart :(..

Sincerely
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Harapan

Doaku agar kaukan selalu bahagia,
Agar kau temui insan tulus menyayangimu,
Lepaskanlah diriku kerna keredhaanmu,
Bukan kerna dendam jua bukan kerna kau terpaksa,


Ku tinggalkan memori bersamamu,
Kuundur diri bersama harapan....

Tidak kesampaian cinta kita,
Kubawa harapan kupendam rahsia,
Ku dikejauhan mendoakan,
Agar kau bahgia tiada lagi duka.
Daku rela mengundur diri,
Ku pasti dikaukan fahami ...

Tiada penyesalan kasihku korbankan
Andai telah tertulis kuterima ini bukannya kupinta,
Oh pergilah dikau diiringi keikhlasanku,
Cuma pengalaman mengisi kekosongan mimpiku...

Ku tinggalkan memori bersamamu,
Kuundur diri bersama harapan....

Tidak kesampaian cinta kita,
Kubawa harapan kupendam rahsia,
Ku dikejauhan mendoakan,
Agar kau bahgia tiada lagi duka.
Daku rela mengundur diri,
Ku pasti dikaukan fahami ...

Singer : Fazli Zainal
Song and Lyrics : Hazami
2006

How I Wish I could...

How I wish I could turn back the time and never do the same mistakes that I did before? How I wish it was easy for me to lead my life? I guess that would never going to happen. If it is easy for for someone to lead his or her life without doing any mistakes, facing any challenges, and making any decisions without having any doubts about it, that won't be called as life. That is fantasy. How I wish I could give my heart to the one who loves me more than anything in the world? How I wish I could tell myself , that this person who loves me very much is the one I am supposed to be with ? But I am no saint. I am not an angel. I am not perfect. I can't force my heart to do things that I can't do. I can't force myself to have feelings for anyone. I did my best but I guess my best wasn't good enough. Am I really doing the right thing? I just want to make someone else happy. If I am the one who could bring joy to that person's life, why shouldn't I do it? But, at the same time, I am having a hard time finding my own happiness. I have not found the one who could bring true joy to my life. I admit, I am happy with what I have right now. I am blessed with friends , those I truly love and care for. Some of them are just really close to me. They gave meaning to my life. They helped me go through lots of things. I thank god for that. But, I am just an ordinary person. A human being to be exact. I need my own space. I need to find the true meaning of my life. I have my own heart to take care of. I can't be for someone else all the time. Sometimes, I just want to give up on everything and start anew, but that would make me a heartless, mean, cold, nasty guy. I am not that. I don't want to be labelled as any of that. Sigh. I have been wanting to have a different life, but that would a make an ungrateful person. I guess I just have to continue with what I am doing right now. With what I have. Maybe I will try to make things better. For my own sake. I hope that I will presevere and still be strong enough to continue with all these. I'll pray to god. Ameen.

Sincerely
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Saved As Draft..Publishing.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine yang dah banyak ceritakan his problems to me. I listened to all his problems and sometimes I tried to give him some solutions, but most of the time I can only listen to it and help him as much as I can. It's not that I don't want to try to solve his problems, but as a friend, I can only give him some advises and comfort him, I don't have any rights to force him to do anything. However, tonight was kinda different. Well, not about his problems, but what he said to me, made me think for a while.

"You're a nice person and someday you'll find your happiness"

Am I really a nice person? Will I ever find my happiness? Honestly, I don't think I'm a nice person. I have done things I shouldn't do. I have been mean to someone else. Really mean. But I dont have any options. Maybe I do, but I just didn't give any care to the options I had. Maybe it is actually because of the reason that, I'm not a nice person after all. Right?
I really need to dig myself. I have to know myself better...hrm.

Jim Thompson:My Thai

Yesterday..erm..what was the date? Oh yeah, 8th October . Me and friends buka puasa-ing at this one gorgeous restaurant in Starhill Gallery. The food was absolutely fantastic. I love the ambiance, the services...well..basically I love everything about it. We ordered few dishes (didn't get to take the pics 'coz the lighting was not really suitable for my 1.23 mp phone. Yeah, I guess I should get a digicam one day. That will be the day where I will be taking lotsa pics and share it with you guys here. Me do love taking pics, but what to do, I got no digicam (damn it!). Back to my story about foooooddd!! I personally ordered the mango salad. I really love the taste. Along with that I ordered a tom yam soup (but in the menu they don't simply just put it as "tom yam soup" but they put it in a very weird thai name...if I'm not mistaken it was "Tom Yum Gai" - means spicy and sour clear soup with chicken breast and herbs) There! I actually ingat the name. Then, we ordered other dishes : Black Pepper Seabass, Omlette with Crabmeat, and one huge lobster-look-alike prawn. It was nice.The sauce was so tasty. The waiter said the prawn is called Tamarind Prawn-a river prawn. Whatever-lah kan. I don't care, as long as it tasted good and I kenyang eating those dishes. As for the dessert, I ordered a fresh fruit platter and my drink was normal orange juice. Wanna know something? They gave us this complimentary drink- sirap bandung with lotus seed (kot...). I thought It was just a normal tak sedap drink but it turned out to be that particular drink is better than the orange juice that I oredered earlier. Had to asked the waitress to tambah balik in other words to refill my glass because it was so sedap. Hahaha!Anyway, thats about it lah. Hope to go there again. Besides buka puasa-ing I did some raya shopping. Bought a pair of jeans , a shirt and few socks. Well, I have nothing else to buy actually but I think I still wanna get at least one more shirt. I dunno why I'm so into shirt lately. Visit this website to learn more about Jim Thompson(I guess the founder of the restaurant) and the restaurant itself "My Thai".(Click at the image)

The Isolation of Me

I started the day by attending my auditing class. It was fun. All of us were supposed to answer a question given by Ms. Hana ( my audit lect) - coolest lect!. Turned out to be just another session of borak-ing with each other, sharing stories. We found out that ms. has a boyfriend working as a teacher. Wow! I felt weird at first coz she actually confessed dia ada bf to her own students. Well, usually, lecturers does not share their personal life's thingie. That's why I called her the coolest lecturer because she layan us like her own friends and she understands us very much. We actually managed to finish up the question (well obviously I was the first one to write the answers on the board). I love auditing class because it is different than the other classes. I do not feel any pressure at all though it is actually, one of the most difficult subject in my course. I know I have to cope with time, to read it all over again (coz I dont actually remember the things that I have read before) , to revise, but the thought of having such a relaxing class, calms me down.
After audit, was my taxation class. Ms Mimi is kinda cool also. She can be serious at times, but most of the time, she jokes around, but today was a disaster. A good one though. Usually, I will be the loudest one in class, and that somehow will give her the chance to kacau me. Haha. So, my friends were asking me few questions, so I had to try to answer those questions. I talked, talked, talked,and asked my other friend to get the answer for that particular question. At that very moment, Ms Mimi called my name and asked me to move from my usual place, to the other side of the class- but, nobody's sitting there. It's empty. I have been isolated!!. If you think that was bad, imagine when she said no one is allowed to talk to me, or to layan me, if they do so, she will give a zero for their exam. Wargh! Sounds mean eh? It was though, but I kinda enjoyed it. She said I'm an attention seeker. Well, I'm not saying that I am one, but looking at the environment of the class, the situation, the feeling, I have to be active because the others are just so damn pasive. It's boring to have a kind of class like that. So I decided to spice up the class a lil bit. Make it a lil more happening. Okay, back to me being isolated. Nobody talked to me except her. I was okay with that, knowing it wasn't actually a serious thing. So I sat alone in the corner, and did some sketching. Sketching? Yeah. Love to sketch. What? Secret! Haha. I have been inspired by a tv reality show from the states. It's a great program. After 10-20 mins, Ms Mimi decided to let us go earlier than 12.30, but we must answer her questions (as usual, pop quiz-lah) first. I was the few last ones to answer because I didn't get to answer it correctly during the first attempt. I went home for my friday prayers (really??). Well, I think I stop here, the rest of the day was pretty boring (attended one stupid talk where I wasted my whole 2 freaking hours listening to one boring counselor-but there were some games I participated and that was the only fun I had).

Sincerely
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29-09-2006

(Another Song) All Over Again

You've been alone
You've been afraid
I've been a fool
In so many ways
But I would change my life
If you thought you might try love me

So please give me another chance
To write you another song
Take back those things I've done
Cause I'll give you my heart
If you would let me start all over again

I'm not a saint
I'm just a man
Who let heaven and earth in the palm of his hand
But I threw it away
So now I stand here today asking forgiveness
And if you could just

Please give me another chance
To write you another song
Take back those things I've done
Cause I'll give you my heart
If you would let me start all over again

Little girl, you're all I've got
Don?t you leave me standing here once again
Cause I'll give you my life (yes I would)
If you would let me try to love you

So please give me another chance
To write you another song
And take back those things I've done
Cause I'll give you my heart
If you would let me start all over again
Again oh
No no
oh oh

You know I love you (yeah)
Give me one more chance
No No
No No No No

Justin Timberlake
Futuresex/Lovesounds
2006

My Heart

A song that really touches my heart. With a beautiful melody and meaningful lyrics. Without any powerful vocal acrobatics, still, this song is really beautiful. I guess I have said that twice. I haven't got the chance to watch the movie but I guess I can actually imagine what it's all about. Love. True love.

Disini kau dan aku
terbiasa bersama
menjalani kasih sayang
bahagia kudenganmu

pernahkah kau menguntai
hari paling indah
ku ukir nama kita berdua
disini surga kita

bila kita mencintai yg lain
mungkin kah hati ini akan tegar
sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah
sayang ku akan hilang

if u love somebody
could we be this strong
i will fight to win
our love will conquer all
wouldn’t risk my love
even just one night
our love will stay in my heart
my heart

pernahkah kau menguntai
hari paling indah
ku ukir nama kita berdua
disini surga kita

bila kita mencintai yg lain
mungkin kah hati ini akan tegar
sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah
sayang ku akan hilang

bila kita mencintai yg lain
mungkin kah hati ini akan tegar
sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah
sayang ku akan hilang

if u love somebody
could we be this strong
i will fight to win
our love will conquer all
wouldn’t risk my love
even just one night
our love will stay in my heart
my heart

Sincerely
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