Buat Sekian Kali

Kusemai benih persabahatan
Kupupuk dengan kasih dan sayang
Kusiram dengan harapan
Namun ia layu, mati
Tanpa ku sangka
Tanpa ku duga

Tegar kau menghina
Tegar kau mencerca
Aku mengakui
Pernah aku berharap
Kau dan dia tidak kan lama
Tapi tidak ku simpan perasaan itu
Ku doa kau terus bahagia
Di samping dia yang kau cinta

Ku buang perasaan di hati
Demi melihat kau gembira
Ku letak diriku di tepi
Agar kita tak sengketa
Ku korbankan segala
Agar dirimu terus selesa

Kini ku harap
Agar kau kan terus bahagia
Jauh di sudut hatiku
Ku ingin kau sedar
Ku ingin kau berubah
Biarpun keyakinan ku kian punah
Namun ku percaya
Kan ada cahaya menjelma
Menerangi hatimu yang kian gelita

Ku lepaskan sayang
Ku harapkannya hilang
Sampai disini takdir menentukan
Ku mohon maaf atas segala perbuatan
Ku halal juga segala pemberian
Takkan ku mahu kau derita
Takkan ku mahu kau melara
Cuma secebis harapan ku pinta
Agar diriku tak kau lupa

Cukup disini kutinggalkan kasih
Cukup disini kuhapuskan sedih
Ku mohon agar ku terus mampu
Mengharungi hidup yang kian berliku
Selamat tinggal kawan
Selamat tinggal teman
Tiada lagi ku berairmata
Kerna semuanya tidak bermakna
Ku undur diri
Dan akan ku pergi
Dari hidupmu
Buat sekian kali..

The Greatest Pain

Found this online.

"The greatest pain in life is not to die, but to be ignored.To lose the person you love so much to another who doesn't care at all ..The greatest pain in life, is not to die, but to be forgotten. The great pain is when it seems like the only person who cares about you, is you.Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishing" - Anonymous

How true?

Untitled

Ku mengerti akhirnya di sini
Kau terus berdiam diri
Namun aku fahami
Tak guna ku ingati
Tak guna ku kesali
Semua sudah terjadi
Dan ia kian berlalu pergi

Biarpun banyak terbuku di hati
Aku biarkan, aku menanti
Moga satu masa kan tiba
Untuk ku luahkan segala
Kubiar kau gembira
Kubiar kau bersuka
Tak ku doa
Tak juga ku pinta
Untuk dirimu tanggu derita
Bukan niat tuk menyimpan dendam
Tiada niat mengharap kau tenggelam
Namun hati masih terluka
Mengenang dirimu yang kian menjauh
Dari diriku yang kian merapuh

Tidak kuduga ini kan terjadi
Tidak kusangka kan berubah begini
Dirinya kau kecewa
Diriku kau melupa
Mungkin inilah kehidupan
Yang sering kuperdengarkan
Kan ku titip satu persatu
Menjadi pengajaran buat diriku
Agar tidak tersilap langkah
Untuk jalan dihadapanku

Mungkinkan berakhir sebuah persahabatan
Yang kupupuk dan kujaga dgn harapan
Kutinggalkan memori denganmu
Kutanam bersama sayang di kalbu
Kerna dirimu sudah bertemu
Teman yang lebih sempurna buatmu
Yang mampu memahamimu
Dan lebih dapat menyayangimu
Moga dapat kulepaskan
Moga dapat kurelakan
Agar ku mampu meneruskan
Kehidupan untuk diriku

"You're my best friend and I'll be your best friend as long as you need me to" - My Best Friend

Guess you've decided to throw that away.

Mimpi

At last, someone kind has found this wonderful quote from the movie Cinta Pertama. Thanks to that person. I love it so much.

Manusia memiliki mimpi
Ada yang mengejar dan mewujudkannya
Ada yang mundur dan membuangnya
Ada pula yang diam dan hanya menyimpannya di sepanjang sisa hidupnya
dan aku, akan menjadi manusia yang terakhir itu.."

Like Alia, I have always been the last person =(

Cinta Pertama

I got the chance to watch the Cinta Pertama, an Indonesian movie, last Tuesday. I know it has been almost a week. It’s not that I don’t want to review the movie but I’m not quite a critic you see. Anyway, I would like to thank Ajami for inviting me to the movie premier at TGV KLCC. I went out earlier than day with a friend of mine. Then after that I went straight to KLCC. I had a light dinner at Chakri Palace with Ajami and his wife. The dinner was organized by Tayangan Unggul, the distributor of the movie in Malaysia. Then we headed to TGV for the screening.

The movie was good. I kinda like it. There were so many memorable quotes that I didn’t get to jot it down because the hall was dark. The movie is about love. First love story. The reason why I like the movie is probably because I’ve had that kind of experience before. I’ve been through it. So I can actually imagine hoe does it feel to be in Alia’s shoes (Alia is the main character in the movie). She’s in love with a boy named Sunny, her schoolmate back then during high school. He was her first love. She can’t get him out of her mind. You know, it’s so normal for someone who’s in love to feel that sorta thing right? The boy is also in love with her. But the thing is, both of them did not confess to each other till their last day of school. Sunny wanted to move from Jakarta. He wants to have a new life with new environment. That frustrates Alia. She doesn’t want him to go. But there is nothing that she can do to stop him from going because everybody will start their own new life after high school. Alia wanted to tell Sunny that she loves him. But of course, to make the story nicer and sadder, she didn’t tell him because there will always be some kind of feelings would stop her from saying it. So they both went their own separate ways after that. How sad right? If you think that’s sad, wait until you seen the whole movie. What I have just told you is just a part of it. So, if you are like a hopeless romantic type of person, like me, go and watch the movie. It’s sad. But I didn’t cry. I almost cried. Unlike Cinta, I watched it twice and I cried during both sessions. How pathetic.

So, I have learned a lot from this movie actually. About love though. When you are in love with someone, there will be moment for you to confess your love for that person, and you can never let that moment go, because if you do, you will never get the chance to say it for the rest of your life. The moment will pass you by if you didn’t utilize it and you can never have it again. Been there, done that, regretting it. Sigh. One more thing, what I have learned and actually have knew it before I watch the movie is that, if you really love somebody, try to make that person yours, but if it’s not meant to be, there’s nothing else you can do other than letting him or her go. As for me, I just want the one that I love to be happy, and if I have to let that person go so that person would be happy, I will.

“Aku merasa ada yang hilang
Tanpa tahu apa yang sudah kutemukan...
Aku merasa menemukan
Tanpa tahu apa yang aku cari...
Dan aku seperti masih mencari
Tanpa tahu apa yang sudah hilang...”

There is one more quote that I really like from the movie. It’s something to do with mimpi. But I can’t remember it. Hopefully I will get it soon.

Quotes

“If you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just... passes you by...”

- From the movie "My Best Friends Wedding"

"When you love someone, and you love them with your heart, it never disappears when you're apart. And when you love someone and you've done all you can do, you set them free, and if that love was true.... when you love someone it will all come back to you…"

- From the movie "Forget Paris"

“It is only the great hearted who can be true friends. The mean and cowardly, can never know what true friendship means.”

- Charles Kingsley

“Sometimes I wish I had never met you. Because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there.”

“Real loss only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself.”

- From the movie "Good Will Hunting"

"Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if f you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything."

- Muhammad Ali

They are all..true.

Another Day of Loneliness

I have been staying home for 4 days now. That is an accomplishment. I have never stayed at home that long unless I am sick or something like that. I have quit my job. Not officially, but I haven't gone to work for 2 days now. I guess by tomorrow or Sunday, I'll be terminated. Nothing new in my life lately. Been spending my time in my room, doing some graphic work. I'm not an expert but I like it. Been creating some banners and headers for my blogs using Adobe Photoshop. It's fun. It keeps me busy all day.

I'm feeling so lonely right now but I am definitely feeling a lot better than last week. Probably I managed to get my mind of certain things. I am still working on it. I miss my friends. I miss them. I seriously do. I miss my time with them. Maybe some of them won't realize it because they are too busy with their life. Or maybe they are too busy with their "new" friends. I may not be in their list of friends anymore. I did try sending sms to a friend of mine, but since last week, I didn't get any reply from him. I don't know what to think or do. Maybe I'm just not fit to be his friend anymore. If that's the case, I guess there's nothing else I could do. Hopefully he'll be happy always with his life.

Last Monday I wanted to have dinner with a friend of mine whom I had an argument with last week. So I smsed him, but he declined my request. I accepted his reasons though. And that was the last thing I heard from him. Till today, I haven't received any smses or calls from him. I don't know whether that's a good sign or not. Probably he needs time. Or probably he doesn't care at all. I have no idea. Should I call him? Should I sms him? Again. I do not know. I don't want my calls or smses to be ignored like what the other person did. I'm sorry for what I have done but I'm not regretting it at all. I just did what's best in my mind. I don't think that II have offended anyone. It was be who was being offended, but like I said, I'm better now. Recovering.

" I am alone at the crossroads, I'm not at home in my home, And I've tried and tried, To say what's on my mind, You should have known"

Have you ever imagined being in a situation where you don't know what you should do? To think about yourself or the others? To take care of your heart or the other's? Have you?

I'll let time tells. There are reasons behind everything. I hope it's gonna be a great one. To you Friend, hopefully you'll do good in your exams. All the best to you. To Awak, thanks for being there for me although we are thousand miles apart. Thank you very much.

PICTURE OF MY LIFE

I never had a dream that I could follow through
Only tears left to stain, dry my eyes once again
I dont know who I am, or what Im gonna do
Been so long Ive been hopelessly confused
This can never really end, its infinitely sad
Can someone tell me when
Something good became so bad
So if you have a cure
To me would you please send
A picture of my life
With a letter telling how
It should really be instead

The precipice is there
But will I ever dare
Throw myself in the sky, so at last I can die
See Ive become a man
Who holds nothing too dear
Who will mind if I just disappear
This can never really end, its infinitely sad
Can someone tell me when
Something good became so bad
So if you have a cure
To me would you please send
A picture of my life
With a letter telling how
It should really be instead