Wondering

A friend of mine called me a while ago. He is currently out of the city doing his job. Our conversation was mainly focusing on his feeling towards what he is doing right now. He said that he is okay with everything but I believe something is bothering him, deep inside. Maybe he doesn’t really know the right words to express his feelings. But I do understand him. I have known him for years and I guess somehow I can actually imagine how he feels because I know what kind of person he truly is.

He prefers to be alone (most of the time) , that’s one thing. He is a family man, that’s another thing. He can be complicated and unpredictable at times, but hey, as far as I’m concerned, he is a great guy. I get along with him well although maybe we don’t really have many things in common.

He asked me an interesting question tonight.

‘What’s up with you?’

I answered him rather simple. I said nothing much with my life now. I woke up in the morning, go to work, do my stuffs..you know..typical things. But he said that he doesn’t want to know about the usual things, he asked what other things I’m doing or having at the moment. Or are there any interesting stuffs regarding my life that he should know about.

At that particular point of time, I found it hard for me to find any answer besides saying nothing or not really. Funny. And I wondered, thinking to myself, I don’t really have anything interesting in my life right now. I tried to dig up anything possible things, but I came up with, nothing.

It occurred to me that my life has been quite, empty right now. But ironically, I feel content with it. I have been avoiding myself from few things. The reason for that is simply because I just do not want to get myself into any trouble that can cause me headaches and particularly, heartaches. I’m done with problems like that. I don’t do much of socializing lately. The last time I went clubbing was half a year ago and hopefully I will not do that anymore. I’m not fond of it.

Perhaps to some people, I’m not a fun person to be around with. Hopefully they wouldn’t think that way because I do have my own style of entertaining others and myself (no double meaning here). Also perhaps to them, I ‘retired’ too soon. It’s not that I’m really focusing on my work, but I just do not know what to do anymore. I’m bored.

I’ve done many things. And most of them are somehow, the wrong things. So maybe I am basically just trying to fix my life. I don’t want to waste it anymore. My friends say this is the best-est time for me to enjoy everything. I mean, EVERYTHING! But I think, maybe not for me. I enjoyed being alone sometimes though I am alone most of the time. Sounds lame huh? I’m a loner but I hope I won’t end up being alone in life.

I’m still searching for the right thing for me to do. I have listed down few options, and I’m thinking of materializing one of it.

Guess I have to call it a day now cause my eyes are closing without me realizing it. How cool. Goodnite everyone. Sleep tight.