Letter To A Friend

Dear friend (and you know who you are),

I hope you will read this and clearly understand what I am going to say. I have never thought this thing would actually happen. I don't know what I should do and think. Knowing you has been one of the best thing for me. I have loved and cared for you. Though our relationship is just as friends,best friends as you told me before, but you are important to me. I have trusted you, and my trust has been as strong as before though I know all the things that you have done, and some of it prolly has affected my feeling in some ways. I don't mind. I forgave you for doing that, but this time around, it's hard for me. You might think I'm being over reacted but if you were be put in my shoes, you would prolly feel the same thing as I feel right now, and maybe you would do the same thing. I've known you inside out. I've always put you ahead of me, coz I want you to be happy. I have always tried to be a good friend to you, to be there for you when you're sad, to listen to all of problems when you need me to,spend my time with you when you want me to and god knows what I have done for you. You brought meanings to my life. You made me believe that best friends does exist. You're not just as ordinary friend to me. I don't have many friends to start with. I know I'm not the most gorgeous person alive, I'm not the most brilliant guy and I'm not the kindest person ever. I have my flaws and I know mostly all of it. That is why, when I started to know someone, someone nice, someone that I can get along with, I'll have the tendency to care for that person and will try not to hurt my own friend in any kind of way. Especially when I have trusted the person.

The thing that you have done truly hurt me. If you said words can't describe how you feel over this, I will say the same thing. Prolly mine is a lot worse that yours. You've had the options not to do it, but you ended up doing it. I, on the other hand, was so stupid to have feelings which I should have not, and to actually believe in you that you won't commit such things. I stood up for you for god sake. I've told you my feelings.

Why didn't you stop me?
Why did you let me to have those feelings?
Why didn't you tell me earlier?
Why?
Am I not worth something for you?
Are my feelings not important to you?
You it would hurt me, but you still did it.
Unintentionally. Right.
What do you expect me to do when I'm in this kind of situation?
"Sorry" is the only word you said you could say right?
So you want me to forgive you.
You even expressed to me your deepest apology.

I don't know. My heart is broken. Into million little pieces like I have said in earlier post. I was so mad at you, until I didn't have any tears to cry. Why I didn't talk to the other person that night when I was with you? Is because I am not your significant other so I don't think I should face the other person. It is you that I have to talk to. And your answers to my questions, god knows how I felt at that time. If I were someone else, I guess you won't be sitting there looking like that. I just had to do it. I don't care whether it was the right thing or not, but definitely better than what you have done, I just had to do it. Never in my life, I felt so betrayed. Never in my life, I felt so ashamed. So stupid. Never.

You said I'm your best friend, but is this how you treat me?
You made me wait, with hope that I would give up.
And your reason for coming out? Gosh! I felt like there was a sharp knife slicing my heart.
That was how you treat you own best friend?
What does it mean to you?
Have I ever annoyed you?
Have I ever betrayed you?
Have I ever made you mad?
Have I?
Tell me.

Sigh. I'm at the losing side again. As usual. I don't really care about it, coz I know my story has always ended up the same. But to face this? I don't know when will I recover.

Do you care for me?
Do you still want me to be your friend?
Do you still want me in your life?
Only you have the answers.
And my answers will be depending on that.
I'll just wait and see.

Thank you for everything.

Yours Sincerely,
Adi Luqman

p/s: It has been more than 2 weeks right? Right?

"Bisakah yang benci disayangi
Bisakah yang dusta dimaafi
Walauku himpunkan sesalku
Bisakah terbuka kalbu"