Izinku Pergi:The Music Video

So now, that's the real story.
I guess I don't have to explain on how I feel about this video.
Breathtakingly beautiful.

Somebody Save Me..

Last night, I got the chance to watch Pursuit of Happyness. Notice the Y in the word "happyness"? I know. It's supposed to be spelled as "Happiness" instead of "Happyness". Well, that's what the movie is a all about. Happiness. No matter how wrong you spell it, it will still sound right. Every single citizen of the world wants to be happy. Those who don't want to be happy, at least for once in a lifetime, is better dead or be killed. I'm serious. why am I bringing this "happiness" matter up? Simply because I haven't got any lately. I may looked happy, smiley, cheerful everyday, but that's not what I really have and feel inside.

I'm sitting in my room alone now, thinking bout what lies ahead for me. I have been working for 2 months . I'm not sure whether I'm enjoying the job or not. What I have noticed is that, the job has definitely took half of life away. I can no longer do the things I always do, and I can't spend time with my friends as often as before. The only motivation that keeps me hanging on to the thing that I'm doing right now is, I get paid for it. And the pay is good, for someone like me.
After getting my results a month ago, I felt like I have lost everything. Things got worse when I have to experienced few heartbreaking, painful situations. I am still recovering from it.

My life has been boring for the past few months. Seriously. I don't know what has gotten into me, but I don't feel happy at all. Nothing is fun for me anymore. It's like something has sucked the fun out of me. I woke up every morning, and find nothing to look forward to. Just plain usual stuff that I do. It is just so, empty. Blank. I'm bored. Seriously bored with my life. Sometimes, I tend to easily get bored of people around me, and I know, I shouldn't have that kind of feeling. I'm killing myself by doing that. But I can't help it. I'm starting to feel isolated. It's like I don't belong anywhere. I don't feel like I'm being appreciated by my friends. They don't care about me. My presence will not make any different and my nonappearance means nothing to them. I am nobody. That is what I feel. I am nobody.

I wish I could go somewhere far, and leave everything behind. I don't want to wish I could have a better life but I hope I will have a better life. My spirit is really low right now. I'm hurting inside. For no reason. My soul is ill.

Somebody help me..

Dan Ia Tidak Kan Pernah Hilang...

Persahabatan tanpa keikhlasan
Ibarat bumi tanpa udara
Perhubungan tanpa kepercayaan
Ibarat siang tanpa matahari

Sesaklah jiwa tanpa ikhlas
Gelaplah hati tanpa percaya

Dimana harus dicari
Kiranya punah damai di hati
Sahabat datang bersilih ganti
Tiada satu yang kekal berdiri

Jiwa berlari menangis kesepian
mengenang mendung yg tiada penghujung
hati kian letih dihimpit kesuraman
seakan malam terus menjadi teman

Harapan siang kan datang jua
Membawa sinar yang dipinta
Moga benih percaya kan tumbuh lagi
Bersama dengan bungaan keikhlasan
Agar hati kan kembali tenang
Jiwa di dalam kan senang
Melewati hari penuh kemanisan
Bukan lagi lautan kekecewaan

Adakah yang dipinta akan berlaku?
Ataupun yang ada kan terus kaku?
Moga doa kan termakbul
Dan harapan kan tertunai

Kerana diri masih sayang
Dan ia tidak kan pernah hilang...


Adi Luqman
16/03/2007

Que Sera Sera

Life takes funny turns at times. And has it's own way of changing minds. It's acceptable if it's not done in purpose. We can't stop it from taking those funny turns. What if, the turns taken, were made on purpose? We have the options to avoid the turns, but we did it in the end. We took the funny turn that would lead our life to something we do not want it to be. Good or bad, it's a different story. What matters now is that, those funny turns can give various impacts and certainly will change someone else's life. It is true, right? And now I wonder, will life ever stop from taking funny turns? I guess not.

..Que Sera, Sera , Whatever Will Be, Will Be..

?

Should I hold on to that? :)

Listen

I am wondering, where would I be in few years time? What would I become? Am I gonna have all that I want right now? Or will I still be searching for the things that I want, right now? What do I want exactly? That is something which has been bothering me lately. I have no idea what I want right now. What am I seeking at the moment. So far, I have been through some unfortunate events. It has been a bad start. I've got my exam results, it was bad. Bad enough to make me numb till I can't cry. Or am I just tougher than before? Maybe, but I am definitely not happy with it. So many other things happened to me for the last few weeks. The things that left me feeling so, unlucky.

Few weeks ago, I told a friend of mine what I have been feeling lately. I told him what I felt at that moment. The conversation didn't help me much though, but I felt better after telling him all the things which has been bothering me all this while. Actually, I thanked him for being my friend. I told him that I enjoyed having him , and his other friends, as my friends. They kept me entertained and help me to forget stuffs that will distract me and my emotions. Maybe right now I am at the stage where I will not know what I am right now, what will I be in the future, or what exactly I want at the moment. Transition phase maybe. I am trying my best to control my emotions and feelings. I do not want my feelings to control me, but I'm afraid somehow I will lose control of myself and ended being someone different. Someone that I will not know.

Will my life be any better soon? Hopefully.

This song has nothing to do with me. But somehow I think it does. In some ways, I guess. Just read and enjoy the lyrics. Goodnite.

LISTEN

Listen to the song here in my heart
a melody I start but can't complete

Listen to the sound from deep within
Its only beginning to find release

Ohh the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own, all 'cause you won't listen

Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

There was someone here inside
Someone I thought had died
So long ago
Oh I'm screaming out
And my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed Aside or turned
Into your own
All 'cause you won't listen

Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't, if you won't

Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start, but I will complete

Now I am done believing you
You don't know not what I am feeling
I'm more than what you've made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me

But now I got to find my own - my own....

Beyonce Knowles
Dreamgirls OST
2007