How I Wish I could...

How I wish I could turn back the time and never do the same mistakes that I did before? How I wish it was easy for me to lead my life? I guess that would never going to happen. If it is easy for for someone to lead his or her life without doing any mistakes, facing any challenges, and making any decisions without having any doubts about it, that won't be called as life. That is fantasy. How I wish I could give my heart to the one who loves me more than anything in the world? How I wish I could tell myself , that this person who loves me very much is the one I am supposed to be with ? But I am no saint. I am not an angel. I am not perfect. I can't force my heart to do things that I can't do. I can't force myself to have feelings for anyone. I did my best but I guess my best wasn't good enough. Am I really doing the right thing? I just want to make someone else happy. If I am the one who could bring joy to that person's life, why shouldn't I do it? But, at the same time, I am having a hard time finding my own happiness. I have not found the one who could bring true joy to my life. I admit, I am happy with what I have right now. I am blessed with friends , those I truly love and care for. Some of them are just really close to me. They gave meaning to my life. They helped me go through lots of things. I thank god for that. But, I am just an ordinary person. A human being to be exact. I need my own space. I need to find the true meaning of my life. I have my own heart to take care of. I can't be for someone else all the time. Sometimes, I just want to give up on everything and start anew, but that would make me a heartless, mean, cold, nasty guy. I am not that. I don't want to be labelled as any of that. Sigh. I have been wanting to have a different life, but that would a make an ungrateful person. I guess I just have to continue with what I am doing right now. With what I have. Maybe I will try to make things better. For my own sake. I hope that I will presevere and still be strong enough to continue with all these. I'll pray to god. Ameen.

Sincerely
Ad